Sanctuary

I Will Survive For You

Weeks passed, but our love didn't fade. Everything stayed the same, something's however became easier. I had it so set in my mind that our love story would be like the movies; but it could not be further from the lies. I knew it deep down in my heart that Jimin would be the evil that will try to bring me and Yoongi apart but, here he stood before me with his boyfriend holding his waist. It was obviously stupid of me to actually think fiction had it's roots in reality. 

So there are no external obstacles in our way, yet. Internal obstacles; on the other hand was another story. By internal affairs I mean my negative mind that refused to believe that I was capable to love, and that I actually deserved all the good life was finally throwing at me since birth. Yoongi and Jin Hyung; are the two angels that have somehow found their way to my life, but my mind can't help but imagine that they are just angels disguised as the demons that always come hunting for me. 

All these thoughts were rushing through my mind. It was inevitable actually. What can I say, I can't stay happy for long. My head hung low as I walked back home. I was yanked out of my thoughts by a voice. The moment that voice found it's way to my ear; a wave of fear took over me. My head shot up and my eyes met the very face I never wanted to see. There she was, My Mother. 

Fear, it was an emotion well known to me. However, in this moment I found myself drowning in the emotion so deep that I found myself in a never ending abyss. Shivers ran down my spine, each muscle in my body tensed up and refused to move. All I could see was my mother's eyes staring right into mine. Helpless, I looked around hoping to see the face that could save me. Maybe I was going crazy because of the fear instilled in me, because I was looking for the love of my life knowing very well that he wasn't even in the general vicinity. 

It was happening, all the good in my life was going. Slipping away from my hands like sand. My mother's cold hand met my wrist. This was it. It's time to go back. Unable to respond and resist, I just let my mother take me. Neither did I try to help myself, nor did I keep track of where I was being taken. At this moment I was just practically begging for sobriety. 

Here I was, back in the very house where I spent my childhood. The memories of my lowest came rushing back. Just like that history repeated itself. The same hands that used to injure my frail body were back at it. The carpet that held my blood stains were now filled with fresh blood. The pain was back. The parts of me that I had spent so long to heal were now broken again. My eyes that had gone dry became fertile again.  

Locked in my room, in pain and misery I couldn't find light. I couldn't see the road ahead. The only thing my eyes found was the window. The very window that could be the end. The end of this pain and misery. I slowly stepped onto the window sill and stared down. No, that's what my mind told me. Memories with Yoongi and Jin Hyung flashed before my eyes. One memory however, dominated the others. The day I went to see Yoongi's parents for the first time. I remember thinking that his tears fell like acid on my heart. I needed to come to my senses, I can't be the reason Yoongi has tears in his eyes. He can't lose more, and neither can I. Theone thing these last few months have taught me is that I can heal, I can be happy. I just need to survive. I'll survive for you, Jin Hyung. I'll survive for you, Min Yoongi. I'll survive for you, Jeon Jungkook. 

It's time to survive. I got off the window and began planning my departure. My mother had taken away my phone and locked the but, she didn't know I had planned an escape incase things got worse, when I used to live here. I grabbed a chair and climbed onto the top shelf of my closet. Hidden behind the clothes was a phone, some money and spare keys of all the doors. I grabbed them and changed into different clothes since mine had been torn to shreds. I tried to listen through my door to see if my mother was out in the living room. Nothing met my ears. I prayed and hoped that I would be able to get out. I quietly unlocked my door with the spare key and tip toed out. 

I was out! My planning from back then had been successful. The moment I got out the door; I ran like I had never before. I didn't stop, tiredness didn't get to me; I just ran. My muscles were burning, giving out but I didn't care. I just ran. 

After running for what seemed like quite a while I found myself in front of Yoongi's door. I frantically knocked on the door, still in fear that my mom would come after me.  I could hear shuffling on the other end of the door. The door opened to reveal the face I was craving to see. The moment Yoongi's eyes fell upon me worry fell over his face. Relived; I threw myself onto him.