Kaytlyn Burke's writing experiences

Journal 3: Peer Influence and Power (Oct 4, 2020)

There was a time that i let this girl who i thought was “my friend” have too much power over me. It had went on from beginning of 7th grade through almost end of 9th grade. 3 years.

   There was this girl on my buss named Julie Newtzorn, when we first meet we were best friends like almost instintly. We sat together on the bus the first couple of weeks of my 7th grade year of school, but then we started to have too much fun together on the bus and ended up being too loud so we were separated on the bus, she was sat 2 seats behind me on the bus. She was a 6th grader. Little did i know that i was being to nieve and trusting and was unaware of her true intentions. One day she Started to change from the girl that i met and called my friend, her attitude had changed towards me, and then she started to take advantage of me by saying “hey kaytlyn, i had a bad day at school today and the only thing that makes me feel better is listening to music, so may i use your phone i promise i'll give it back before you get off the bus”. At first I didn’t mind it, but then she started telling me the same thing every single day and she asked me during the morning rides too. So i never really got to use my own phone on the bus, i started getting annoyed with what she was doing, so i started to apologize to her saying that i want to use it today she kept on begging and begging and begging when i tried ignoring her pleads she started to bribe me with sweets and toys and other stuff she knew i liked and i just couldn’t resist. Then it started to get out of hand to the point where I didn’t know what to do anymore and then it came to me doing something i never thought i would do Lie. Then it came to the point where she started telling me if I didn’t let her use it she wouldn’t be my friend anymore, I was terrified when she said that cause i only lost a friend once before in my life and never wanted to lose a friend ever again, loseing friends is my worst nightmare. I felt terror run over me rembering the last time i lost a friend, I didn’t want it to happen again, so i gave in and let her use it. This went on for months and days and weeks, untill one morning on the bus she asked me if she could use it that morning and use it to listen to music during lunch at school, of course we both went to the same school in 2 totally different grade levels and different classes and went to lunch at different times, but i was sill unsure if i should let her or not, i really didn’t want too, but she used my weakness of being afraid to lose a friend against me, and with that I couldn’t say no cause i was afraid of what would happen and she did tell me that she would give it back in the afternoon, but she was keeping something from me and that something would lead to a whole lot of trouble. In the afternoon when i went to the lunch room with my class to wait for my bus i got worried cause Julie still wasn’t there by the time my bus was there and I started having a melt down my teacher came over to me asking what was wrong and i said “my bus is here and Julie still isn’t here, and she has something that belongs to me!” I said while blubbering. My teacher said that she was told that while i was at lunch that she stoped by my classroom letting my teacher know that she was going home early for the weekend and asking if she could let my bus driver know so there not sitting there in the parking lot blocking all the other busses waiting for her. I was furious, she knew that she was leaving early and didn’t tell me and took my phone home with her! We had to go through a lot of trouble to get it back. I gave her all the power over me, i was too scared of losing her as a friend that I didn’t do anything to self advocate for myself and tell her NO! I really cared about what she thought of me so i was being as nice and friendly to her as i possiblely could so I always let her use whatever that i had however she wanted to even if i really didn’t want her to use it cause i wanted to be a good friend and I didn’t want to lose her as a friend either.

When my mom had found out what was going on she told me that she was never my friend to begin with because all she did was take advantage of me and use me to get what she wanted. I was the older one to in a higher grade level then her, but still it was like i was the pray and she was the predator. When i put the pieces together of what she has been doing, I had then realized what mom told me about her never being my friend in the first place was true, but i still thought of her as a friend to me even if she was just takeing advantage of me, i still cared for her and didn’t want to lose her as a friend. We did have fights from time to time and then one day came almost at the end of 9th grade it was a Friday I wasn’t on the bus that afternoon and when i road the bus Monday morning i was told what had happened on the bus Friday afternoon, once they finished telling me what had happened i yelled out “SHE WHAAAAATTTT!!!!!!” They repeated saying “she got expelled off the bus” at that moment i felt my heart cracking. I really had thought of her as a friend no matter how she treated me or what she did to me, she was still a friend to me in my heart. I was sooo upset after hearing the news, and i never saw her again. I felt like i had just lost another friend all over again, i was devastated! I never spoke to anyone or looked at anyone on my bus for the rest of that school year. 

Note: i talked to people in my classes at school, i just didn’t speak or look at anyone on my bus cause i was so upset. In case your woundering why I didn’t seem upset durning the school day that’s because I successfully hid my anger and burried away my thoughts of what happened, but I wasn’t able to hide it on the bus cause that’s where it happened. 
I’m over it now!🙂