Shattered~Lashton

Eleven.

Warning: There is slight triggering in this chapter, just a heads up.

-Luke-

I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes. I rolled over trying to go back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. I grabbed my phone and it was only eight in the morning. It was at that moment when I remembered Ashton was sleeping downstairs. I decided to take a shower before I would go downstairs, I assume that he isn't up. I didn't even want to be up. 

I was in the bathroom, taking off my shirt I instantly cringed. My chest still had bruises everywhere, but they were faintly fading. They haven't touched me or even talked to me in a week or so. I'm dreading the day they are allowed back in school, they will clearly make my life even worse then what it was before. 

I hated what I saw in the mirror and it wasn't just because of the bruises. I tried to ignore the voice inside my head, trying to block out the insults I was throwing at myself. 

I got in the shower, trying to avoid my thoughts. I couldn't do this when Ashton was just downstairs sleeping on my couch. I quickly showered, and got dressed. I put a beanie on and went downstairs, while passing my brothers room I heard snores. I tried to go down the stairs more quietly but it didn't really work. 

In the living room Ashton was still asleep, his arm hanging off the side and light snores filled the room. I went to the kitchen grabbing a couple of crackers, I was starting to feel dizzy and I was pretty sure it was because I haven't ate anything in a day or so. Once I was done I went back into the living room to wake up Ashton. I shook his arm but he didn't even move. I couldn't be loud or my brother would wake up and he would be mad since he worked all night. 

I kept shaking Ashton, after about five minutes he opened his eyes. "Finally." I muttered. 

He seemed confused and then shot straight up. "Fuck Luke, I need to get home my mom must be freaking out." He quickly got up and made his way to the door but stopped right before he opened it, his hand on the handle. I was right next to him, he turned around. 

"You were the guy they asked about at group yesterday." With that Ashton left, not quite slamming the door but closing it louder then what I liked. 

It took me a few seconds before I realized what he was talking about. I was the guy he had a crush on. Me. I felt overwhelmed. I liked Ashton and Ashton liked me back. We kissed yesterday. Remembering Ashtons words from yesterday, I still didn't know where this left us. Friends, Im assuming but what if he wanted to be more then friends? I would be okay with that but I don't think I am ready for that. How could I love someone when I can't even love myself? 

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After I sat there in shock for what seemed like hours my head started to hurt. I made my way upstairs, leaving the pillow and blanket Ashton used on the couch. I felt like shit, more then usual and I didn't know how that was possible. I laid down in my bed and covered up, I decided to text Ashton before I fell asleep. 

Luke:

I like you too. 

I plugged in my phone to charge since I forgot to do so last night, not waiting for a reply I turned away from it and fell asleep. 

It was two hours later when I woke up, I had a text from Ashton. 

Ashton:

I thought you were straight? 

Luke:

Maybe you shouldn't assume things. 

Ashton:

Wait! This means your gay?! 

I hesitated, but quickly responded. 

Luke:

Yes. 

I knew there was no going back once I sent the text. I didn't regret it so everything felt fine for right now. 

Ashton:

Im coming over. 

Luke:

oh....sure I guess you can thanks for asking. 

Ashton didn't reply after that, I was nervous. What was going to happen? I got up and fixed my hair, taking the beanie off. Ten minutes later my phone went off telling me that Ashton was outside. I went downstairs, passing my brother in the kitchen. I opened the door and Ashton was standing there looking like he just ran a marathon. 

"You okay?" I asked, he nodded and I went into the kitchen. Not waiting to see if he was following or not and grabbed him a water bottle."Did you run here?" He nodded. "My mom had to do something and I like to run." 

I gave him a weird look. I don't see how anyone could like running, I personally hated it. 

"Ashton your back." My brother stated looking between both of us. "I am." He gave him a smile and my brother returned it leaving with a plate of food. We usually always eat in the kitchen but I guess he didn't want to intrude on me and Ashton. 

We awkwardly sat there in silence, it started to become a typical thing between us. 

"Lets go to the park." Ashton suggested, and I went along with it. Going to the park is better then just sitting here in silence. Ashton finished his water, I let my brother know we were leaving and we left. 

We walked to the park in silence, but it wasn't an awkward silence. I felt Ashtons hand accidentally hit mine. I looked down at our hands. I had the urge to hold it, so I did. Ashton squeezed my hand. I didn't care what people thought or if anybody from school say us. Or at least that's what I tried to convice myself.  Holding his hand felt right. It was different from holding a girls hand, but I liked it. 

We were in the park just walking around when I saw them. I don't think Ashton saw them but I did. Stark and Clark. Clark had his skateboard and Stark was kinda just watching. Stark ended up looking our way and seeing us. I knew that they were gonna walk this way. 

"Lets go." I whispered only loud enough for Ashton to hear. "What why?" 

I didn't answer I turned around but it was too late. I felt someone pull on my shoulders making me turn around. 

"Aw look its the freak and the fag." My hand was still in Ashtons and Stark noticed. "Is the freak a fag as well?" 

"Leave us the fuck alone." Ashton said, I pulled my hand out of Ashtons and ran. I ran away from them, I could hear Ashton calling after me and Stark laughing loudly. I didn't like to run but it seems as if I have been doing it a lot lately. I ran to my house and ran in, I ran up to my room leaving my brother confused in the living room. 

Luke you fucking idiot. Your nothing but shit, worthless piece of shit. You fucking faggot. 

The voices in my head screamed at me, I knew at this moment I needed help but at the same time I didn't want it. Before I could even realize what I was doing my razor was in my hand. 

Worthless. One cut. 

Faggot. Two cuts. 

I was about to make another when my door opened. I cursed under my breath, how could I forget to lock it? I looked up and Ashton was standing there. He didn't move, his eyes on my wrist. He moved over to me and took my razor out of my hands. 

"Luke." I looked up at him, he wiped my cheek, not realizing I was crying till that moment. 

He looked around my room and saw a towel which was from my shower, never putting it away. He grabbed it and pressed it against my cuts. I hissed in pain as he put to much pressure. 

"Sorry." 

I didn't understand why he was here. Why was he in my room helping me? How can he even like me? 

"Why are you here?" I whispered not being able to talk louder. 

He looked me in the eyes, he looked like he was about to cry. 

"Because I care about you Luke."