Frerard Oneshots

✦ Looking For: Somebody to Take a Damned Christmas Photo With ✦

this concept is so funny to me, i love it. this one is actually kind long too, soo. yea. enjoy.

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Frank was this close to throwing himself out of the window.

Of course, lo and behold, another goddamned stupid fucking Christmas card.

Front and center were the smiling parents, wife and husband -- this time the damned McKinley's, with their perfect, smiling children and the stupid fucking adorable puppy held in the daughter's arms.

Frank groaned loudly, tossing the card onto the counter and digging his hands into his hair -- eventually fizzling out and sighing, rubbing his temples. "Oh, 'look at all these nice Christmas cards', they said," He mumbled in a mocking tone, "'It'll be fun!' they said, 'it definitely won't make you feel like a pathetic failure', they said!"

He sighed once more, throwing his head back and tossing the card into the pile. God, he really needed a life. Seriously, if he spent another Christmas alone, he was officially about to lose it and drown himself in his kitchen sink.

He really needed to get his shit together, he decided. And, well, where better off to start then getting his revenge over such infuriatingly perfect Christmas cards?

✦✦✦

Frank really fucking hated himself.

Had he really gone and made an account on a dating app just to find somebody to take this photo with? Perhaps, but he would never admit it.

He had simply inserted a photo of him and Lois -- typing in; all i'm really looking for is somebody to take a christmas card with. no strings attached, nothing. i'll buy you dinner, get you flowers, knit you a sweater, whatever you want. thanks.

Yeah, pathetic, he knew -- but what other choice did he have? He had the strangest way of coping with the bitterness of his failures, and he didn't need to be reminded.

So, he spent his morning swiping right on as many people that he thought looked aesthetically pleasing enough to plaster onto a piece of cardstock and mail to all his friends and family. Wait, why was he even doing this? He'll be damned if he knew, or how he'd deal with the consequences of everybody thinking he was actually in a relationship -- but, well, he was already in too deep. May as well go through with it.

Really, he wasn't that surprised when he didn't get any matches.

Well, until the app dinged -- and he was met with a match; his eyes widening in genuine shock as he opened the person's message thread with him. "Oh, shit."

You've got an interesting proposition for a first date, you know. They had sent him, Frank blinking a few times.

it's not a date, he corrected. i just need a christmas card.

Why? They questioned.

because i'm desperate, Frank replied honestly. idk, i just want my family to not think i'm a failure for once.

...So you resorted to Tinder? They asked, inserting a laughing emoji. How does this whole thing work? Aren't they gonna realize that you don't actually have a boyfriend?

Frank hesitated for a moment, blinking. don't question my motives.

I'm questioning them. They replied.

Rolling his eyes, Frank finally clicked open this person's profile -- eyes widening, because holy shit, he didn't even remember swiping them. Oh god, now he felt guilty.