UNTHINKABLE || VSOO ✔

17

JISOO

I sighed and looked up at the ballon decor above. The confetti already fell and I have nowhere else to look so might as well admire Namjoon's cafe's interior design.

Truthfully. I don't want to hate myself but...
God I do loathe myself. How do I feel so solemn at a happy day like this?

I panned back at the two of them, they were smiling at each other while their eyes shone with tears. They're brimming with utter bliss. Am I perhaps envious? It can't be that. Besides, I dislike marriage. I do, I really do but again,

I guess somehow... I am envious?

The lights felt bright only on their spot of the room. Everything else seemed dim. It felt so much like their world and before I had realized I envied the two and I at least want to look like them. Maybe I'm just self-centered to act like this, I mean.

It is their engagement.

I grinned and nodded. I should get going, since they're to dine after the greetings.

"Tae." I called out and tapped his shoulder.

"Congratulations, again. You look your best when you're happy, smile, don't cry." I said when his tears started dripping from his chin. It made me laugh a little. It has been so long since I last saw him cry.

No, I'm not a masochist. He's just a pretty crier, that's all.

"T-thank you, Jisoo." He muttered, trying to hold his cry in.

I broke into a smile. I lifted my hand and carelessly wiped the tears pooling on his chin with the back of my hand.

"You deserve to be the happiest. I'll go first, okay?"

Taehyung nodded as I dropped my hand and turned away. I grabbed my purse and scarf on the way to the door.

The room was still filled with cheer. I'm not a mood killer, alright? Everyone is to go home after the suprise so the couple can eat alone.

I'll just... head out first. I greeted the chilly air as I wrapped my scarf around my neck.

I stumbled on my own feet, making an effort to walk like the sober person that I am with the snow hindering my pathway.

This shouldn't have to be this hard for me. Is it because I feel the loneliest piece of shit ever whenever I see them especially now, happily engaged? or am I just a selfish fuck who knows I might never do better than Taehyung.

I don't need to sort my feelings out right away since nothing's gonna change either way. I just wish... I could stop imagining that Taehyung's under the snow, in front of me, with red and swollen eyes, looking ghoulishly attractive but still with an unthinkable expression.

It's insane how at the back of my mind, this is still how I wish it would have ended.

I let out a sigh and it formed a small chilly cloud. I walked towards my own imagination until it wasn't.

I bumped into a warm body, I thought I was losing it when I even heard a fast heart beat.

What the fuck?

I quickly backed away to see I wasn't actually going crazy. It was really him, in front of me?

"T-Taehyung... what are you-" I was at loss for words when he took a step closer, leaned down and placed his forehead on my right shoulder. He was so close I could hear him breathless.

"We... we never had the chance to talk about this. Have we?" Taehyung murmured as I could feel his tears dampen my clothes.

"What? I'm not sure what you're saying...here."