Find Me | Zuko x reader | Avatar the Last Airbender | Book 1

Chapter 42: Anyways

           *scrambles around panicking, rifling through all the fanfiction drafts in progress*

          I am so sorry, this is so late. *pulls out a file* here it is.

          "Can I have a disguise too?" Y/N asked hopefully as Katara snagged a nice outfit from the clothesline. Sokka looked over at her, confused.

          "You're covered head to toe in black with an assassin's reputation being passed around. Getting you an outfit seems counterproductive. Don't you already have a Fire Nation outfit anyways?" He asked, putting up his hair with a Fire Nation jewelry piece. 

          "Yea, but no one here can get away with wearing something that elegant, without someone thinking they stole it at least. I just wanted to have a little dress up too." Y/N pouted, watching Toph try on some shoes. 

          "We can grab an extra outfit if you wanna try it on later in private." Aang offered sweetly. "Katara can find a nice one for you." 

          "We shouldn't take more than we need." Katara disagreed. "We're already stealing from civilians." 

          "You didn't seem to feel bad when you ran up and snatched an outfit for yourself." Aang pointed out, but shut his mouth when Katara gave him a withering look.

          "It's fine, let's just go back to the cave and set up camp." Y/N sighed. She got up, and Toph broke the bottom of her shoes, only keeping the tops. The sole flew through the air, hitting Sokka square in the face. 

                              —| § ථ § |—

          Y/N wasn't allowed to walk the town. Her strange getup would draw too much attention and "you never knew when someone she'd met will show up" according to Katara. So she kept Appa company back at the cave, grooming him and drilling waterbending moves to pass the time.

          "Why am I always the one that gets left behind?" Y/N put her hands on her hips, biting her lip as she looked at the flying bison. He grumbled softly, and Y/N sighed, plopping down next to him and leaning against the thick fur of his back.

         "I guess you can't really go anywhere either, we're both stuck." She concluded. "Might as well get to know each other better, I can bounce stuff off you." 

          "Grooaaghh." Appa mumbled, resting his chin on the ground.

                              —| § ථ § |—

                              Zuko's POV

          He was going home. For real. Finally.

                    But he couldn't sleep.

          Like so many times before, he stood against the railing of a ship, staring at the dark waves below. 

          "Aren't you cold?" Zuko nearly jumped at the sound of Mai's voice, and he quickly glanced over his shoulder to see her approaching. It was chilly out, yes, but he barely felt it. He wasn't sure how long he'd been out here, but he didn't feel the icy breeze on his skin.

          "No." He replied simply, looking back at the waves as Mai leaned against the rail to his right. 

          "Azula told me about everything." She said bluntly. "You made the right choice. Azula would've killed her much slower." 

          Mai jumped and reached out in concern as Zuko's legs gave out under him, his knees hitting the metal deck with a sharp clang.

          "Zuko— here." She helped him lopsidedly stagger to his feet, but she practically had to drape him over the rail to keep him from hitting the ground again. 

          He couldn't shake it. The scene was still clear as day.

          Right after he had stabbed Y/N, he immediately wanted to join her.       

          Her eyes had widened, and for a brief moment, she showed no signs she had even registered anything that was happening. Then she had looked up at him with broken E/C eyes.

          There were no tears. 

          Her body slowly went limp, fingers clawing in a mindless desperation to fix the gash that went straight through her torso, her fingertips burning against the hot blade, but her eyes never left his.

          Zuko had watched in horror as she reached up with one burnt hand, gently caressing his left cheek, thumb brushing his scar, the light fading from her eyes. 

          Then she was gone, legs giving out as her lifeless body slid off the dagger, collapsing in a twisted heap on the stone floor.

          He couldn't stop the buildup of screams that welled up in his chest. 

          Azula had laughed, and told him later that he had yelled at her corpse, holding onto it, "like if you let go you'd die yourself".

          "ZUKO." Mai was shaking him roughly. "Snap out of it, and stand up." She pulled him up again, and he managed to stand, barely. 

          "I'm- I'm sorry." Zuko muttered, gripping the railing tightly with both hands. Did he make the right choices? Y/N and Iroh, the only ones that were always there for him. One was dead. The other, in prison, meant to stay there until the day he died. 

          Both were because of him.

          "Zuko if you hadn't killed her, she would've killed you." Mai scolded. "She didn't love you. You know the brat wouldn't hesitate to throw an icicle straight through-"

          "SHE DID HESITATE." Zuko snapped, his voice louder than he'd meant to make it. Mai only stepped forward.

          "YOU KILLED HER OUT OF SELF DEFENSE AND MERCY, YOU SAVED HER FROM SOMETHING MUCH MORE HORRIBLE." She yelled back. "BUT SHE JUST WANTED TO KILL YOU FOR HER OWN GAIN. THERE WAS NO MERCY IN HER ACTIONS."

          "It wasn't self defense, she never would have killed me." Zuko lowered his voice as to not wake the entire ship. "She loved me—"

          "She only missed because you moved. The wound in your shoulder would've been deep enough to penetrate the heart. Stop lying to yourself. Who kills someone they love from nothing but self-interest?" Mai asked coldly, and Zuko couldn't respond, turning back to the sea.

          "...Zuko...." She put a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

          "What is it, Mai?" He turned around, eyes hard as he tried not to break down on the spot. 

          "I still love you." She said quietly. "So much more than she ever did. I will always stand by you, I will never turn on you. Unlike her, you can trust me. Please. She will have won if you stay like this. Come home with the honor you've earned."

          How can I ever love again? How can Mai say that? Zuko almost resisted being pulled into a gentle hug, but stopped. 

          What if she's right? 

          Mai was then leaning in, and Zuko did nothing to stop her.

          Mai loves me... she has for years, I've been told. 

          She kissed him, and he almost burst into tears. It didn't feel right, but it was. Right? Being with Mai wouldn't have to be secret. No opposing sides, no sneaking around... he didn't want to think about this anymore, about her.

          "Forget about her, and start your life again." She mumbled against his lips.

          "She never loved you, anyways."