Therapy

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*Chris's POV*

        I decided to stay away from Janice an Samantha for a while. My thoughts and feelings were already messed up in general, but now my mind was just getting even more jumbled up with these new ideas about Janice. I was never really stable with anything, no matter how much i said i was, i wasn't really. Any little thing would send me into a raging fit or a stage of hysterical depression. It sucked really, to not be able to control the way you were thinking or the sentiments you were feeling. 

        I stayed off the video games for a while too. instead, i decided actually going out side for a while would be good for me. I mean, keeping inside all day, every day was just going to drive me insane. Especially, with then two new found lovers, Ricky and Ryan. Just seeing them together killed me on the inside because it either reminded me of Samantha or my feelings towards Janice. So, yeah, outside was the best option i had. 

        The breeze was a  concoction of both warm and cold that sent chills tingling through my spine. But, the nature was absolutely beautiful. It took my mind off of absolutely everything, and at one point i almost forgot where i was because i was lost in the fog of the beauty. My breathing was finally steady for once in my life and i didn't feel an ounce of anxiety, or panic. I found myself closing my eyes and just letting nature seep into me. But of course, the silence was interrupted with song lyrics and a constant flow of rhythms and tunes floating through  my head. And all of a sudden, i felt like i was surrounded by any people and i was being constrained. It was a horrible feeling. No matter how heavy i tried to breathe, my lungs wouldnt inflate with oxygen, and no matter how hord i struggled, i couldnt move. I knew it wasnt real, it was all just my imagination. And this is why the guys didnt want me to be alone. I felt so claustrophobic and i dont know why, a rush of anxiety and adrenaline flooded me like a tsunami, and i was drowning. What was happening?

        And then suddenly i was fine. The air easily flowed into my lungs and then back out of my lungs without even a hitch or a struggle. I could move again, and to be honest, i think my muscles were quite loose compared to how i was before. I felt different, but the same. It felt weird and hard to explain.

        "Are you okay, sir?" a woman asked from  next to me. I flinched quickly then looked at her as if she had done something wrong. She put her hand sup in defense then relaxed when i untensed. "Sorry, didnt mean to scare you?" Her? Scare me? Yeah, right. Im the one who always scares people. Just with my looks or even my personality, but i wasnt scary at heart, i was a big goof ball when i wanted to be.... When i was mentally stable...

        Once she realizes i wasnt going to answer she sat down next to me. She was maybe in her thirties, with long black hair the tumbled over her shoulders naturally. "Are you hurt?" Why was she so concerned? Why couldnt people just leave me alone, thats how i liked it anyways. I still didnt respond to her just glared at her unintentionally. "Do you talk?" That made me glare even more. Did she really think im mute? Wow.

        Its crazy how quick i went from peaceful to seething with anger and frustration. I took a breath in shakily then looked at her again. "Yes." Dont think i was going to give her a whole fucking summary of my life.

        She reached out her hand to touch mine , to reassure me that she meant no harm. I flinched and yanked my hand away from her, but she didnt take the hint and still tried to comfort me. But what if i dont want to be comforted? Im fine the way i am, and i didnt need help.

        "Don't touch me!" I said a little louder than i intended, grabbing a few people's-who roamed the small park that i had sat in- attention. Now that i had a crowd, why quiet down? "Just leave me alone!" And you can imagine how scary it must be to have a tall, Gothic man yelling straight at you for no intelligible reason in front of practically the whole park. She winced back a little, eyes becoming glassy with fear, but she wasnt backing away. A few people who passed took out there phones and dialed a three digit number... 911... shit.

        I didnt say anything after that, just quietly seethed to myself, my blood bubbling and boiling with anger for no reason. Where  did all this rage come from? The same few people that called the cops, stayed by me and the women just to keep an eye. Its not like i was going to fight her, sheesh. And to no surprise, a cop car pulled up just a few moments later. I rolled my eyes and stood up from the park bench. "I didnt mean to upset you." The women whispered just as the cop came up to us.

        "And i didnt ask for your help..." I whispered back.

        "What seems to be the problem, guys?" The officer started off the conversation bluntly. 

        "Absolutely nothing, officer." I said over politely with a tint of disrespect writhing around in my voice. The women to my side stayed quiet. Since my answer obviously wasnt satisfactory to the police officer, he moved onto her.

        "Did he hurt you, ma'am?" The look on her face was nothing compared to my reaction. Just because i look like this (all scary and stuff) doesn't mean im a mean person. I'd never hurt anyone, especially a women!

        "What the fuck?" I outbursted. "Where the hell did all of that come from, does it look like i fucking hurt her, tell him i didnt even touch you!" I insisted desperately . I didnt want to go to jail, who did? I didnt even do anything, so theres absolutely no reason for him to take me to prison. I dont belong there. To be honest, i dont think i belong anywhere. 

        "He didnt do anything." She said quietly, looking down at her hands which she was playing with uncomfortably. The officer looked from her to me, back to her and then looked a little befuddled.

        "What's your name?" The officer asked.

        "Chris... " I was tempted to say 'Motionless'. "Cerulli."  I finally answered.

        "Okay, sir, stay here, i'll be back in a moment." He said before he walked back over to his car and sat in the front seat, a device held in his lap as he probably typed my name in to looking me up. I didnt even bother to look at the women. I shouldn't be mad at her, she defended me, she told the truth, but here i was, still getting in trouble with the police. I contemplated calling josh or Ricky, but i didnt want to worry them. Im a big boy, i can handle this on my own. Besides, i dont think i have anything to get in trouble for. Right?

        The cop finally returned a few moments later with a rather grim look smeared across his already pale face. "Chris Cerulli, it says on file that you got in a small amount of trouble when you fought a man in a restaurant not too long ago..." Austin, he was talking about Austin. "And you attempted suicide at one point as well."

        I shuddered at the thought. Of course he had to bring that up too. "How did you know that?" I asked although it was quite obvious. 

        "It was in your file." He answered simply, still looking down at a few notes that he held in his hand. "You seem to get quite angry easily, and act on instinct without thinking things true this is common in men with mental issues."

        "Mental Issues??" I burst. Okay, maybe me acting like this isnt helping the situation, but i dont have fucking mental issues. "The only mental illness i have is anxiety so dont tell me i am crazy."

        "On your case report from the hospital, it has a list of diagnoses from the doctor. Would you like me to read them to you, or would you like to read them yourself?" I commend him for staying calm while i flipped out on him. I snatched the paperwork from out of his hands and glanced over it quickly before i came to the conclusion part of the medical report. It read:

        "Patient is currently suffering from Anxiety, and Manic Depression, possibly Multiple personality disorder. Further examination is needed."

        They've got to be fucking kidding me. Multiple personality disorder? Manic Depression? I don't think these doctors know what they re talking about. One, im not bipolar, two, im not crazy. "This cant be right?" I tried to relax, but the anger was still firing through me like a train. 

        "I'm sorry, sir. But I'm going to have to take you back to the hospital for further observation On Suicide Watch and possibly therapy, if the doctor feels its necessary."

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Sorry if this chapter was kind of confusing, ill be happy to answer any questions if you have any... but comment, follow, and vote!

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