Poems

love 2.0

It's been ages since I last wrote in this lonesome little book.
My, how I have grown from a duckling into a wannabe swan.
I want to believe I am beautiful, pure inside and out.
But my knowledge is the lack of such, and that I sadly admit.

I remember this book being pain, holding the bane of my existence.
It held my tears, my cries, my heart breaks, it held me deep inside.
My, how I have loved. So darkly and deeply and truly.
I now understand the meaning of love and the words that are borne of it.

My words held no meaning, each line mimicking grace.
My rhymes a lilting semblance of eloquence.
But now, I hope to embue true love with my words.

I believe I have truly found it- a being who makes me shine.
I believe he is the one. But to be fair, I thought the same with the last one.
He brings me joy like no other, but there is also so much he cannot bring.
I cannot kiss him, I cannot kiss him for he I have yet to see.

This love of mine may not be love, but it feels so deep and true.
Nonetheless, he makes me happy. He makes me born anew.

I love him with all of my heart. I wish I could fly to him.
But alas, I can only dream and let my mind touch the skies.
He is so close to my heart yet so far from me, the distance brings me pain.
But I'd do anything to see the smile that brings me joy again.

The boy from before I may have toyed with, he may have toyed with me.
I cannot remember- will not remember, that love scarred me too deep.
He hates me now, despises me. And for what? I don't want to know.
All I know is that he is gone, the boy that I loved so.

He used to hurt me without even trying, his existence made me cry.
His smile made me weep inside, in fact he made me die.
But my new love, my darling above, has breathed me life anew.
My new love teaches me true love, not the shallow childish want.

He hurts me less now, that boy from before. The boy I wrote so much about.
He bothers me less now, I hate him less now. I wish for nothing but his best.
He haunts me less now, though I must digress I haunted his haunts a bit.
But yet, I could care less about the boy who scarred me so.

Those poems from the past mean nothing, my pain has flown away.
I hurt before, I hurt no more, my love has healed me so.
I love him dearly, I miss him dearly, I wish to love him so.
Yet he is far away, but I find I'm okay for our love knows no distance.

I'm okay now, this book could mean less to me. In fact, I consider it a burden.
Everyone who hurt me probably did so unintentionally, and for that I forgive.
I probably did the same to them unknowingly, it's just they hurt me more.
For they couldn't see what they did to me, and that I can understand.

So I think it's time to bid goodbye to the book that holds my pain.
I don't want to burn it or lose it again- I have lost so many memories already.
I'm done with adding pain upon pain and dwelling in the scars.
I think it's time to leave the dark behind and start chasing my newfound light.

Before, my coping mechanism was to fill these dark pages with pain.
But now, I've grown and loved and flown and I just want to fill this with light.
My goal from hereon is to fill these pages with smiles and sweet memories.
And to do so I know my love will help me as he's helped me all this time.