Building Attachment

Chapter 29

POV: Ahsoka Tano

It must have been a good ten seconds before Lux finally pulled away leaving me feeling confused and angry. I wasn't just angry at Lux for throwing that at me, I was angry at myself for being too shocked to push him away from me and pull out my lightsaber.

However, all of the anger inside me immediately vanished as I turned my head to see Anakin quietly standing in the doorway with a broken look on his beautiful face.

My gaze hesitantly drifted down to his eyes, searching for any reaction in them. By the emptiness his eyes held, I could barely even tell he was looking at me at all. A few seconds of silence ticked by as I stared into his empty blue eyes. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, looked down at the ground as he blinked twice, and then walked away without a word.

I stood there unmoving and in shock until I felt Lux approach me once again. I aggressively snapped around to face him and ignited my lightsabers. "I think it's best you call it a night senator," I warned him sternly.

"Ahsoka-"

I inched my sabers closer to his neck and shot him a glare.

Finally seeming to take a hint, he clasped his hands behind his back and bowed his head. "As you wish."

I heard the door close behind me but waited a few moments to be sure he was gone before deactivating my lightsabers and clipping them back to my belt.

My breathing began to pick up as the weight of what just happened finally caught up to me. I raised my hands to the side of my face and rubbed my temples in a stressful manner as I walked backward in the direction of my bed.

By the time I finally collapsed on my bed, there were already tears streaming down my face. I hated crying but took comfort in the fact that no one was there to see it. I felt like I had been taken advantage of in my confused and lonely state. I knew how much I longed to be caressed and kissed, but not by Lux. He had no right.

I curled up in a ball and wrapped my arms around my knees as I replayed the broken look that had been on Anakin's face as he stood in the doorway over and over again in my mind.

What scared me the most was that he didn't even get angry or protective at all. He didn't try to threaten Lux with his lightsaber or even shove him away from me with the force. He simply stood there and stared at me sadly as if trying to convince himself to stop caring.

I told myself that that was what I wanted. That I wanted him to move on and let go of me. But deep inside, I knew that wasn't the case. This whole mission, Lux had been my distraction. When I was talking to him, I didn't have to pay attention to Anakin's depressing behavior or interact with him at all. Every time I looked at him, I only missed him more and was reminded that he wasn't mine.

I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears as I hugged my knees closer. It was going to be a long and lonely night.

---

At some point during the night, I must have fallen asleep because the next time I opened my eyes, the morning light was shining across my face.

I slid my legs over the side of the bed and then lifted myself to my feet. When I finally made it to the refresher and looked into the mirror, my cheeks were stained red and my eyes looked tired. Splashing fresh cold water onto my face seemed to solve the problem, but it didn't change the way I felt inside.

Just then I heard a soft knock on my door. I could tell it wasn't Lux or... Anakin... "Come in!" I called.

One of the native women with glowing alone hair and a dark shade of red skin opened my door and stepped inside. "Good morning miss. Are you hungry?"