Building Attachment

Chapter 16

POV: Ahsoka Tano

I ran out of the training room, away from my master and into our dorm. I shut and locked the door behind me and sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands.

My mind and emotions were spinning like crazy in every direction. I couldn't keep anything straight. Was Alya really dead? Was I really about to kiss my own Jedi Master out of anyone else it could have been?! The emotional trauma of the last few days must have really been having a bad effect on me to cause such a terrible mistake.

How was I going to explain my actions to my master when I didn't even understand them myself? I had never felt this way before and I was so confused. Luckily he wasn't here right now to see this and make things worse.

"Snips?" called a familiar voice from the other side of the door. "Snips let me in! I need to talk to you."

I paused my tears to groan at the thought of having to face my master but then sighed in relief when I remembered I locked the door.

The error of that last thought soon occurred to me as Skywalker unlocked the door with the force and walked right inside.

I sighed in frustration. 'Why do we even have a lock! Everyone here is a Jedi...' I thought.

"Good point Snips, it does seem pretty pointless when you think about it..." he replied.

My eyes widened in embarrassment and I quickly put my barrier up. The last thing I needed was my Master digging through all the thoughts that formed in my mind at a time like this.

"Oh come on Ahsoka, that doesn't mean you have to hurry and block your mind."

I looked down at the floor. "I'd rather not have you listen to every thought that crosses my mind at the moment," I whispered.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. "Look Ahsoka, I'm not here to teach you a lesson, or criticize you or make you explain yourself," he began. "I know you're going through a difficult time handling Ayla's death. You have nothing to be ashamed of if you need to run away to cry and think through your emotions. Nothing you do will ever make me think less of you."

I felt relief wash through me as he excused my actions for me. He seemed to believe that I was suddenly emotional and needed to run away and cry, not that I almost kissed him and then ran away surprised by my actions and emotions...

That was definitely fine by me. My tears slowly ceased and I smiled up at him.

"I know you'll figure this out Ahsoka." He stood up from my bed and walked to the door before turning to face me again and finish. "Just know that I will always be here for you when you need me," he whispered, his eyes full of compassion and a mysterious emotion hidden beneath.

"Take as long as you need, I need to speak to the council..." He left the dorm and shut the door behind him.

I blinked and closed my mouth that had been hanging open. That was... much easier than I thought it would be.

I lay back on my bed and took a deep breath. I wondered why my master needed to speak to the council. It better not be another mission...

---

I must have been tired because the next time I opened my eyes, the sun was nearly setting. My master was on his bed doing something on his holopad.

He noticed I was awake and looked up from his holopad. "Hey, Snips."

I stretched my arms. "Hey, Master."

"Are you feeling better?" he asked.

I stood up from my bed and tiredly nodded, before walking into the refresher to take a shower. The warm water was relaxing for my tense and sore muscles temporarily washing away all my stress of the war and the grief of losing Ayla. I stayed in the shower drowning my un-Jedi-like emotions for so long that my skin was more red than orange when I stepped out.