Classroom of the Elite:SS Collection

Ichinose Honami SS

It was the day I learned that Ayanokoji-kun and Karuizawa-san were dating.

After school I immediately headed for the dorms.

"What's wrong?"

When I passed through the lobby my classmate, Chihiro-chan asked me.

"Nothing."

I replied.

"But you don't look well."

Chihiro-chan said to me clearly worried.

I didn't realize that my face looked a bit ill.

"I think I am feeling a bit under the weather."

I replied to her and after hearing that she looked even more worried.

I had the urge to go to my room as fast as possible and didn't want to drag this conversation any longer. So, I spoke before she could say anything.

"I think I will be fine if I rest for a while. It's nothing for you to get worried about. Bye."

I said that and quickened my pace.

Without even looking back at Chihiro-chan I made my way to my dorms.

I went inside, shut the door, and hurried to my bedroom.

I threw my bag at the side of the bed.

I got into the bed and sat with my back to the wall, hugging my knees tightly.

I felt a bit sad. No, I felt regret as well.

All because of the fact that Ayanokoji-kun and Karuizawa-san were dating.

I hadn't expected him to have a girlfriend, not to mention someone like Karuizawa-san.

She had recently broken up with Hirata-kun. Was that because she could be with Ayanokoji-kun.

Hirata-kun had good grades and good at sports and also had a good appearance. He was very popular among the girls. So, why did she have to break up with someone like him and date Ayanokoji-kun!

I didn't realize that I was clenching my fists. It hurt a little. But not as much as my heart was hurting at the moment. So for me that little pain amounted to nothing.

I also finally realized that I was doing something that I hadn't done ever before in my life.

I was blaming someone else.

Yes, I was blaming Karuizawa-san. 

I was blaming her for breaking up with Hirata-kun and dating Ayanokoji-kun.

"Wasn't Hirata-kun enough for her?!"

I said, this time aloud.

But I knew that was wrong. It was almost like backbiting someone. I didn't want to talk about her like this but I couldn't.

I had felt something like this for the first time.

From what I had heard, they started dating only after the spring break.

So, what if.......

At that moment a certain thought occurred to me and regret seeped into my heart.

"What if I had proposed him sooner? What if I had proposed him after that incident with him in his room. And what if he had accepted my love?

These feelings brought me immense regret and I was clutching my bedsheets almost to the point that it was about to tear off.

Suddenly, without my permission, a single streak of tear ran down my cheeks.

"Huh...."

Why was I crying? 

I had seen some of my female friends, before that shoplifting incident, cry because of breaking up with their boyfriends or because of their unrequited love.

I tried to analyze what I was feeling.

"Is this how heartbreak feels?"

More tears started running down. 

I tightly hugged my knees and buried my face between them.

"Ayanokoji-kun is from another class. He is supposed to be an enemy with whom a clash at some point was inevitable. So, why did I have these feelings? I should have known from the start that this wasn't possible, right? So, I shouldn't be crying, right?"

I tried to convince myself. I wiped the tears from my face and raised my head.

Then again more tears started coming out. And this time I couldn't stop myself from cring.

"Ahh........Ahhhh!!!"

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"

No matter how I tried to convince myself, the pain in my heart wouldn't go away. 

My heart ached. It ached so so badly I was clutching my heart with my right hand with a s much force I could muster. 

I knew that others might have definitely heard me.

But at that very moment, I couldn't think of anything else other than crying.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. 

I, Ichinose Honami, for the first time felt what unrequited love felt like.

I felt it. I felt it to the very core of my heart.

I wanted to cry. Cry, cry, cry, cr and cry. Nothing else.

"I would go back to being normal from tomorrow. I would keep my feelings locked inside my heart forever. "

"So, so,........."

"Please let me cry to my hearts content for today."

I cried the whole night and cried like never before.

I