Classroom of the Elite:SS Collection

The Reason I Hate Him-Sakurako Tsubaki

Note: This is a kind of continuation of the previous SS. So please make sure to read "Hate-Sakurako Tsubaki" before reading this. Thank you!!!

*****

Ever since I had been born, ever since I had seen that world of white, I had always yearned for someone, I had wanted someone.

No matter what he did, he looked so calmed and composed and that soothed me. Although he had not noticed me, I was always by his side. Ever since he was born, I was always by his side. But the person himself hadn't noticed me. However, that was fine by me. Just getting to see him every day and getting to be beside him every day was enough for me.

We were completely cut off from the outside world. We didn't communicate much and we didn't know what feelings or emotions were. But even then, I felt my heart tightening at the fact that he hadn't noticed me; he hadn't noticed my existence. So, I started giving my best. I tried to ace whatever tests were presented to us. I tried to be equal to him. I started copying him. The way he walks, the way he talks, his composure, his way of eating, everything. I started copying everything about him with the hope that he would acknowledge my existence.

But all my work went to vain when I had heard that he had escaped from the White Room. I couldn't believe that. Is this even true? I started doubting. But when I saw his seat in his classroom empty, the reality of it all hit me.

Why? Was I not enough? Did I go wrong somewhere? Why did he run away?

All those questions gnawed at me with no answers in sight. I don't know what I felt back then was but it felt as if my heart was broken to shatters.

Even after he was gone, I continued to work hard. After doing all that day after day, it had become a habit. Even when I didn't think of doing anything, my body moved on its own accomplished the goal set before me.

After a year, an opportunity came knocking at my doors. An opportunity to see him. I remember my heart rate increasing rapidly. I wonder what that feeling was but it felt pleasant. With the hope of reuniting with him and getting to see him again, I enrolled at Tokyo Advanced Nurturing High School.

The hope that I had built in me was shattered when I found out that he had a girlfriend. He had already chosen someone.

Even though I had worked so hard, why? Ah, cruel. Simply, cruel. 

I can't pinpoint what exactly it was but something was welling up deep inside me. 

How dare he choose another woman when he already had me? Ah, what a bad boy you are, Kiyotaka!

Even after all of my hard work, he had taken no notice of me. But there was a golden opportunity before me. If I were to get him expelled, there was no way he wouldn't notice me. And after returning to the White Room, I will make sure he never manages to escape.

The girl who was supposed to be his girlfriend, Karuizawa Kei, was the complete opposite of him. Cheerful and outgoing.  Maybe that was why he had chosen her. You know, something like opposites attracts. I must have been angry at her for stealing him away but I wasn't. It was all his fault. It was his fault for choosing her over me.

So, I should have been angry at him. But I wasn't. And believe me, I am speaking the truth! 

After all, there is no way I would be able to get angry at him, no matter what he does. I yearned for him to the point that I wanted to be the one to kill him if he was to die.

I wanted to spoil him and I wanted to make a mess out of him. The reverse was true as well. I want him to spoil me and I want him to make a mess out of me.

I don't know what the emotion surging within me was. But since I was sure that I would have to hurt him in the near future, I decided to name this feeling, hate.

So, under the banner of hate, I will get you expelled and I promise you that I won't ever let you go again.