Anti-Stall

What am I?

It's been a day since he just randomly disappeared and it feels weird. I'm living at his place and I haven't even seen him.

By the time I wake up he's already gone, when I stay awake waiting for him he comes back way later. What are you doing Lance? Where is this headed.

I needed help, advice to be precise. Without a second thought, I reached straight for my phone a called Erica.

"Erica, I'm going insane."

"Were you ever sane?" She chuckled.

"Erica no! Seriously, it's like he's avoiding me. So I can't even ask him what am I to him."

"Sounds frustrating, are you still at his place?"

"Yeah and I can't check into my room until Monday! Two days to go."

"Share a room with me till then, I'm smart. I checked in already."

"Very smart Erica!"

"You can come here on one condition."

"I'm willing to do anything!"

"Ask Lance where your little game is headed."

"Eri-"

"Enough of the excuses, both of you need to grow up! How many times do you want to be crushed?"

Her last sentence hit the spot. I physically felt pain, as if she had shot an arrow at my heart. I wanted to say some spiteful things about her connection with Pierre which lacked definition just like Lance and mine.

"You went awfully quiet, I'm so sorry Periwinkle." She sighed over the phone, "I have no intentions to hurt you."

"I know! You're thinking what's best for me but you and Pierre-"

"That's for another time. I'm going out for brunch with him, I have to get dressed! Bye bye!"

With that she cut the call, now here I was. Once again, left all by myself with my thoughts. I thought of calling pops but it would only worry him and I didn't want to do that.

"Hello? Mom are you free?" I asked over the phone.

"Of course I am! How come it's me and not pops this time?"

"I need advice, boy advice. Plus I figured you're in the states right now so you would be awake." I smiled.

"Clever! So what mess have you gotten into? Natalie periwinkle I swear to God if you are preg-"

"Jesus! Mom no! I am far from pregnant. I don't even know if we're in a relationship or not."

"What do you mean?"

"He's taken me around all the cool places in his city, I've been living at his place, separate rooms of course. He's been very charming but he still hasn't told me where we're headed." I poured out, she didn't need to know I fell asleep in his arms.

"Then just ask him!" She blurted.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK IT'S SO EASY!" I raged.

Silence, radio silence.

"You like him, from what you've described it's definite this is more than just being friendly. Be bold Natalie!"

"Alright, have a good day mom." I sighed before cutting the call.

I showered, ate a good breakfast and spent time with Nancy. Finally, after a day I saw Lance. Covered in sweat and dirt.

"You're alive!" I beamed hugging him.

"The last time I hugged you covered in sweat you were disgusted!"

"Can't I be relieved you're alive?"

"Why would you think I'm dead?"

"You disappeared for a day Lance! I was worried."

"I was losing muscle and so I had to spend the day with my trainer coming up with exercise and diet plans."

"You could have told me." I pouted.

"I'll see you in a bit let me shower and then we start exploration again."

He showered, had a breakfast and then attended a long call with team sponsors I think, in his office. My mind kept wandering back to the night we spent, under the moon, in each other's arms.

That's what I want. That's all I want. I sure as hell hope he wants that too. We didn't talk much at breakfast and he looked distracted the whole time.

"Come on Nat! It's time to go." He smiled stretching his hand out for me to hold.

"Where are we going?"

"Let's get there first!"

We got into the car and drove away, no chauffeur this time. Him behind the wheel, focused on the road. Something so simple but he managed to look attractive.

The whole drive was quiet and it wasn't comfortable silence, I couldn't wait to ask him the questions on my mind.

"Alright we have to hike the rest."

"What is this place? It's so green!"

"Mount Royal park, let's go!" He beamed talking off.

After a short hike we reached a beautiful park, we walked around in peace. A few people did recognise him and weren't looking very pleased with having me around him.

"Can we sit down? I'm tired." I met his eyes.

"Alright short stack." He ruffled my hair.

"Don't ever say that again." I huffed.

We sat down under a large tree with lots of shade and watched the people walk by.

He was definitely not going to initiate this conversation and I was tired of waiting around. My armour was a little cracked since Charles and Lance seemed to have come to mend it right away.

"Do you know how many times my heart has been broken this year?" I giggled looking at the grass.

"What happened?" He sat up in attention.

"Three times. Three fucking times."

"I'm so sorry-"

"Now, will you listen to me?"

"Tell me everything." He said holding my hand in his.

"Don't do that." I pulled my hand away.

"You, have been unclear, very unclear. You get very close and then when I think this is finally going somewhere you run away." I  continued, " I can't stand falling for your charms only to be led to nowhere. It's exhausting!"

"I can't deny that I felt something Natalie."

"Then that's that. I just have one question Lance."

"What is it?"

I looked into his eyes, they were inviting, concerned but at the same time concealed what he felt.

"What am I?" My voice cracked.

There was a minute of silence, he looked away lost in his  own thoughts. Trying to find the right words to say but unable to find them.

"Exactly what you said."

"What do you mean?"

"Confused. I don't know. I do have feelings but I'm not sure if I'm willing to give into them just yet."

"So this is all just play to you?"

"Wha-"

"My heart is not a toy Lance." I managed to breathe. The tears burned my eyes so I let them flow.

I got up to leave and texted Erica that I was coming to her hotel room, I was being toyed around with.

I didn't hate Lance, I hated his indecisiveness. It costed me my heart and it costed him me. Did I save myself from a wreck? Maybe. But it still hurt so much.