Dark heart

Chapter 5

I was so focused on getting my frantic breathing under control that I didn't even notice Steve enter the room until he suddenly knelt in front of me with a worried expression. " Alex?," he gently drew my attention to him and through the veil of tears that blurred my vision I looked at him whimpering softly. He didn't even ask he just gently pulled me to him and bedded my head against his chest. So he just held me and rocked me back and forth slightly without even asking for an explanation for my behavior. " I'm sorry," I sniffled as I realized I had totally cried all over his shirt where my head was. " It's alright," he just said and pulled me back against him until the sobbing finally subsided after half an eternity and I broke away from him slightly to look at him. " Thank you," I said in a brittle voice and he smiled lovingly at me and just waited to see if I would say anything else.

"I was engaged. We were on our way to pick out a wedding cake when suddenly there were agents of Hydra all around us. They tried to get to me and he tried to defend me and they just shot him. He died in my arms Steve," I explained, already feeling new tears trying to make their way out. " I'm so sorry," he just whispered and he seemed to know that nothing he said would help me now so he just took me in his arms again while I tried to banish all the horrible images back to where they had been locked away all last year. " It's still pretty fresh, isn't it?," He asked softly after a while. " Almost a year," I admitted and he looked at me with so much compassion that I knew he really understood my pain right now.

We sat on the floor for quite a while, and he told me about Peggy and how he'd kind of lost her, too, by crashing into the ice. His stories distracted me and it seemed to do him as much good as getting it all off my chest. At some point I started to yawn as it was well past midnight and Steve smiled gently at me. " You should try to sleep little one," he advised me and rose, which I complied with. " If you need anything, my room is right next door," he added before stepping into the hallway and pulling the door shut behind him. After those hours of talking, it was clear to me that I had found an insanely good friend in Steve that I could always count on. It felt good, and as I slipped into my pajamas and crawled under the covers, my lips even curled into a small smile.

The night had been hard. Even though Steve had managed to comfort me and take my mind off it, the images had returned in my dreams and so I got up much earlier than the last few days. I didn't know what to do with my time and the others would surely sleep for a while so I made my way to the training room to be productive for at least a while longer. To my surprise, I saw Loki there, pounding on one of the punching bags like a man possessed, and didn't seem to notice me at all. " You'd better not do that with a stitched cut on your arm," I called out to him and he sped around, but relaxed when he saw it was just me. " I'm fine," he gasped, completely out of breath, and I just raised my eyebrows in response. " You, on the other hand, look miserable," he stated monotonously, alluding to the dark circles under my eyes that I owed to lack of sleep.

"Come on, I'll pull the strings quickly, then that is more comfortable", I offered with a nod to the punching bag and was glad that he seemed to accept the change of subject. I didn't feel like losing my temper, not in front of Loki. In the lab he took his seat on the examination table and this time, without my request, took off his shirt. I took a quick look at the cut, which was actually healed very good before I started to cut the thin threads and pull them out of his skin. To my surprise, he didn't even blink his eyelash, although it wasn't exactly a pleasant process and it took a few stitches to close the cut. " Finished", I let him know and dabbed a few more isolated drops of blood before he got dressed again.

I was about to walk past him when he suddenly grabbed my arm and looked at me inquiringly. " Is everything all right? About yesterday, I mean," he asked much more gently than I had ever expected him to and I forced myself to nod. He regarded me for a moment longer before releasing me and making his way back to the training room. I followed him, since I actually wanted to work out too, and started my strength training there. The whole time I felt his gaze resting on me again and again and I had to pull myself together not to turn to him and return his gaze.