we're more than chemistry

c h a p t e r 6 ~ friends

"So we're dating after a day of meeting?"

As soon as I got into my room, I broke down. I cried and I cried and I cried. I couldn't stop the tears that were coming. I couldn't stop the sobs that were coming. I couldn't stop this feeling.

So I started rereading the song I wrote for Reggie.

People ask me all the time
What do you look for in a guy?
And honestly I got no type
But in my head
This is what I describe
I want those
Late nights and long drives
Staring at your goddamn smile
Making me fall harder
Than the first time
And playlists with music
Our parents gotten used to it
Whisper in my ear
I'll never lose you
I'll steal all your hoodies
We'll laugh till we can't breathe
Making me feel stupid when you
Tease me
But I ain't looking for perfect
The "perfect picture"
Just someone who'll be there
When I get home
But I ain't looking for perfect
Just a mixture
Of a shoulder and a hand
That I can hold
Tonight
They say I'm unapproachable
But I'm not the girl who
Gets emotional
And if I like you then my walls
Won't close
So let's just see how this goes
I want those
Late nights and long drives
Staring at your goddamn smile
Making me fall harder
Than the first time
And playlists with music
Our parents gotten used to it
Whisper in my ear
I'll never lose you
I'll steal all your hoodies
We'll laugh till we can't breathe
Making me feel stupid when you
Tease me
But I ain't looking for perfect
The "perfect picture"
Just someone who'll be there
When I get home
But I ain't looking for perfect
Just a mixture
Of a shoulder and a hand
That I can hold
Tonight

This made me start to smile through my sobs, then I heard a knock on the door as they stuck their hand through the door, "Come in." I said quietly, and I quickly wiped my tears away.

"Hey..." I looked up and saw Reggie, "Hey." I said smiling. "So I don't know if this is overstepping, and just tell me if it is and I'll leave it, but are you okay?" Reggie asked me.

I started to feel tears well up, he was the first person in months to ask me that well besides Ricky, "I'm fine." I told him, as he looked into my broken eyes and grabbed my hands, "No, Jessica, your not okay. And that's fine, just, what happened in there?"

I closed my journal and set it down, I looked at him for a second debating if I should tell him or not. Then I threw myself into his arms and I broke, I balled my eyes out.

"You know, since my mom died your the first person.... to ask me if I was okay. It's always Julie, that they ask, just because I can hide it, I can put on a fake smile. And.... and I love Julie and her feelings are important, but so are mine, I need to feel loved too. And also, I was never sent to Dr. Turner, that shouldn't be a big deal but, I didn't even get the choice because everyone thinks I'm okay...... I'm expected to be perfect by everyone, people at school, friends, family.... everyone. And it's just too much...... it's too much...." I burst into sobs again, holding onto Reggie while he stroked my hair.

He was just holding me now I was still sobbing into his shoulder, he was holding me as I had my legs wrapped around his waist and he was hugging me while walking around with me and stroking my hair.

Eventually, we went and he sat us down on the bed, letting me stay how I was he just wanted to sit. The crying had stopped, now it was just little sniffles.