Sapphire's Review Store 4.0

Review by Faye: A Tale Made of Poems

Title: A Tale Made of Poems

Author: Flostafochannel

Status: Ongoing

Reviewer: Fayesther

Cover and Title (5/5)

The colours used in your cover are eye catching and represent Doki doki literature club well. Seeing as that's the world this story takes place in this is a good colour palette choice. The fonts fit perfectly and are easy to read. The cursor hovering over the title is well placed and a really cool touch. I also think the skulls at the bottom are a good choice for this story.

The title fits great! A perfect combination of the two games. It is also simple and catchy.

Blurb (4/5)

Your blurb is the perfect length. You get across a good amount of information to your potential reader and I found it very hooking. (I believe fans of these two games will find the premise of this story interesting).

There were a couple of grammatical errors "nothing it's like as it seems" should say "nothing is like as it seems." Also "will he finally found..." should be "will he finally find..." Ironing out these errors will fix it and you'll have the perfect blurb for your book.

Grammar (2/5)

Whilst reading I did notice a few grammatical errors here and there. I pinpointed some within your book's comments. I also would like to highlight some within this section of your review.

Throughout the book I noticed that you swap between present tense and past tense within the narration. It's important to keep the tense of the story consistent. I personally believe that present tense works best with this story.

There were places where you chose similar looking words in the wrong context. For example, you wrote "founded" meaning "found". The word "founded" is a word in English, but it means to establish or originate, rather than being the past participle of "to find".

There were other instances of this; "Endure" means to suffer (something painful or difficult) patiently. Using this word within the sentence "the conversation endures a long time" doesn't work because this suggests that the conversation (not those having the conversation) has feelings. In the context of the paragraph I believe that you mean the conversation went on for a while. Possible edit: "the conversation carried on for a long time."

Also "surprises" is the plural for "surprise" which is a noun. There was a couple of instances where you wrote "surprises" meaning someone jumps in surprise in reaction to another character's actions. To get this concept across you can either write – "she jumps in surprise, but then calms and smiles at me." Or "she starts a little, but then calms and smiles at me" or "she is a little startled at first, but then calms and smiles at me."

Sam's joke where he calls himself a different name is a "Dad joke" rather than a pun. A pun is a play on words, for example: "The crab was a little shelfish." – this is a pun because "shelfish" sounds like the word "selfish" and if either "selfish" or "shellfish" is used, the sentence will still make sense. Sam saying "Yup, sure as my name is Antonio." (pretending to get his own name wrong) is just silly random humour.

You used "I'm" where "I am" would work better. For some sentences to get across correctly the emphasis needs to be placed on the right word. For example, "So here I'm, writing a poem." When saying this sentence the emphasis actually falls on "am" – taking out the separate word "am" by writing "I'm" makes it a bit awkward to read. You also made this error with the word "I'll" elsewhere in the book too. "For you all, I'll do." – The emphasis being on "I" rather than "will" changes the context of the sentence. Rather than Sam reassuring the club of his intentions, it comes across as though he doesn't think the others think very highly of him "I'll have to do". (I hope this makes sense. Please don't hesitate to message me if its not clear).