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Review by Eliza: God's Anecdote

Title: God's Anecdote

Author: Sonder_Writes

Reviewer: eliza-lou

Firstly, thanks for letting me read your story! :) I noted I'm reading one specific story, within a collection. Also, for anyone else reading this - there are specific plot points discussed, so I feel a spoiler warning applies for this review!

With that, let's get started.

Title/Cover/Summary (5/5)

Title

The title is wonderful. Simple, to the point, and encapsulates the genre of short stories to be found inside. :)

Cover

The cover is spectacular! Very artistic, and exudes a fantasy element to this collection of short stories. It's clearly legible even from its thumbnail as well! Love it!

Summary

You were able to summarize the theme of your collection in one sentence - I think that's brilliant. I don't personally mind the one sentence summary, especially because it's a collection of different short stories, within the umbrella genre of fantasy.

My only thought (and this is a picky thought for the future) would be perhaps if the collection gets bigger, adding more detail in the summary of other themes/genres to expect within the collection. I think right because there are two stories published, you don't need too much detail of what to expect inside the book. But if the book expands in the future, it could be helpful to give an "inside look" for the reader. For example, if you have stories that involve action or mystery, you could include a note about how the reader will experience fantasy stories that involve those aspects, to better share the variety of stories within your book. But as I said, that's a very picky note for the future! :)

Hook & Plot Uniqueness (10/10)

Hook

I think the hook was a combination of your beginning author's note and the first two paragraphs of the story - which I think was well written! You immediately set the tone with the fact that Michael has a tough time working for God, and that's because he's the most powerful being in the universe, yet completely sardonic, dry, and bored. It provided a great dissonance between who someone believes God to be like, and in your story, who you portray Him to be. You set the scene in a couple paragraphs, and lead into the meat of the story very quickly, which I think helps as well. Nice work!

Plot Uniqueness

I think writers' interpretations of who God is, and their quips about Him, has been a popular idea/commentary. But, I genuinely enjoyed reading your story! I especially liked the balance I think you struck between the light-hearted and personality-driven humor (and even a somewhat curiosity of the idea of God being bored), and the moments where the story had some heart (like when God takes notice of the little girl at mass). Again, nice work!

Character Dialogue (5/5)

I really enjoyed all of the quips between Michael and God. The dialogue felt contemporary, and I liked that God didn't have this 'almighty sound' within how this story was written - a more contemporary voice, I think, really fit the style of the story. It didn't feel forced or even 'overly existential' for a God commentary, which I feel like can be a trap sometimes. God felt like the authority figure He is, and Michael his subordinate, similar to a boss and his worker in a workplace. It felt light-hearted without feeling void of personality or substance.

Writing Style/Grammar (9/10)

Firstly, I want to say that this was a very easy read, in the best way. It flowed well, and for a short story, I enjoyed that there weren't any extra unnecessary bits on the side shoved into the story - you stayed very close to the main plot point and carried it through the whole piece. With that... I want to be super picky to push it just a bit further! :)

— Only a handful of comma misplacements in sentence tags structures. A period becomes a comma, after the last sentence in quotations, if there is a speech tag.

(Example): "...and everyone here is just so stoic. Absolutely no personality at all." God continued to rant.

(Edited): "...and everyone here is just so stoic. Absolutely no personality at all," God continued to rant.

— The time jumps felt a little jarring to the momentum of the story.

(1) The months between the start of the trip & current time: The format of three asterisks and then a several month time jump felt jarring to me for this short of a story. I think re-working the lead into a time jump could help smooth it over. One idea could be just adding an extra line space between the sentence of Michael wanting to quit his job, and the line "It's been months since we've been on Earth" - Then, rather than moving right to current time, leading the reader through the time that was skipped.

For example, instead of the wording "It's been months since we've been on Earth" you could have Michael mention the time he spent planning the trip, or after the short notice and frantically planning it, they traveled down to Earth and spent several months traveling around. Then, lead into him mentioning the fun story about God transforming into a teen when they first arrived. This is a small change, and would only need a few sentences, but I think it will help smooth over a somewhat awkward speed bump in the momentum you build from your beginning.

(2) The time between choosing to go to mass & in the middle of mass. To put it bluntly, this time jump felt unnecessary. I think it cut off the feeling of Michael realizing the idea God has about going to mass. And what a fun (and comedic) idea - God attending church - in Vatican City none-the-less! I think there's an opportunity there to add even more personality, commentary, and even depth, about how Michael and God react walking into a Catholic Church.

Michael even makes a comment about how even by heaven's standards, the church's structure was shocking and impressive to him. How would walking into that building effect both of them? Does God see himself in the glass windows? Does Michael see himself in a statue or in the windows as well? After all of God's comments about how dreary and dull Earth is, what an amazing moment to show one thing that could be impressive to both Him and Michael! Plus, what a great set-up for the touching moment between God, the girl, and her family. He's in a place that finally feels impressive to him, then has a touching moment with the humans that He created.

I'm being picky here, because you set this story up very well, and I enjoyed the arc it had (especially within 2300 words). I wanted to mention this because I think it could polish it just that little bit more!

Total Score: 29/30

Thank you again for letting me read your story! :) I hope this critique is helpful, in the small things I found to encourage you in. Happy writing!

— Eliza

Other Comments:

— I enjoyed the Author's Note at the beginning. It was nice to hear the inspiration of the story, along with the 'light-hearted' nature of the read!

— As a Christ follower, I found this story to be quite interesting. (I say this fully acknowledging your note about reading this light-heartedly, and not taking offense to how it was written!) Reading this, with my own beliefs in my mind, actually emphasized some of the humor and quips between Michael and God for me!