The day Jade was set to meet with the parole board, I was incredibly anxious. I really wanted her to do well so she could get out and be with her siblings again, but I didn't want her to leave. At all.
When she leaves, I'll still be here. I'll still be locked away 4 hours away from where she lives with no means of actually seeing her in person. Our only form of communication would be via timed phone call and snail mail, which is far from ideal. There's so many people that are far better for her than me, and once she leaves, she's definitely going to realize it. Who would willingly choose to date the washed up girl in a Juvenile Detention center across the state?
She mentioned that her new roommate had coached her a couple times on things to say and how to say them but I'm not entirely sure that she was the most reliable of sources considering she's a frequent resident here and I'm pretty sure Jade doesn't ever want to see this place again once she leaves. She probably has better advice than I could give her anyway.
"Are you nervous?" I asked her while we walked around the rec yard the day of her meeting.
"Blondie, you've asked me this question every day for the past week, I think we both know the answer," Jade said, "I'm starting to think you're the one who's meeting with the board,"
"Sorry, I just really want this to go well for you,"
"Trust me, me too,"
"When you get out," I started.
"If," Jade cut me off.
"When you get out," I continued, ignoring her comment, "What is the first thing you're gonna do?" Jade crossed her arms and thought for a second before speaking.
"Besides the obvious hugging my siblings and taking the world's longest shower, I think I would just go outside and sit in the sun," I nodded slowly, thinking about how mundane that seemed but at the same time, it was incredibly appealing.
"That sounds really nice, honestly," Jade nodded slowly, clearly still thinking about what she would do once she got out.
"I'd sit outside in the sun, and just breathe. Oh and listen to nature. Birds and squirrels and shit. Have you noticed there are literally no birds that fly around here? It's like they can sense the life being drained out of us and want to stay as far away from it as possible," I nodded, letting her ramble. She was never one to go off on tangents and it was a nice change of pace, "And it's not like we don't ever go outside, clearly," she gestured around to us technically being outside, "I just want to exist in a place that isn't fenced in I think. I'm honestly tired of being here. You're cute and everything blondie but you only cancel out so much of this environment,"
"You just said I'm cute,"
"Shut up," she said, looking down to avoid me noticing the red tinting her cheeks.
I definitely noticed.
"I'm holding onto that Jadey, compliments rarely make their way out of your mouth,"
"Never phrase it like that again please," she groaned, rolling her eyes.
"Oh and a please! It's a miracle,"
"Shut up ya weirdo,"
~~~~~~~~~~
When Jade left for her interview later that afternoon, I went into full panic mode. She left relatively quickly, abandoning our card game as soon as her name was yelled into the day room with a small smile in my direction.
After I cleaned up Jade's deck of cards and threw them onto her bed in her room, I looked around the day room in an attempt to figure out what to do with myself. My second hand anxiety for the situation was far worse when Jade wasn't here to distract me from it, and that was made abundantly clear as I attempted to focus on whatever was playing on the tv in the dayroom. I was lost in thought until someone nearly yelled in my ear.
"Edwards!" I jumped and quickly looked to my left to find Jackie, Jade's new roommate very much in my personal space, her face about two inches away from my face.
"Yeah?" I asked tentatively. We had never had a proper conversation before and suddenly she was all up in my business.
"Did Jade leave for her meeting?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Oh I just wanted to ask you a question then," I nodded, letting her know to continue, "Are you and Jade banging?"
"Excuse me?"
"Jade won't admit it but by the way you two interact and how she talks about you I feel like you are,"
"I just-"
"To be clear, I don't care either way. All I need to know that if you are, I want to know where you do it ya know, for future references,"
"We're not doing anything right now if that's what you're asking," Jackie's eyes noticeably light up.
"Wait so I was right, when you two roomed together you were totally getting it on, weren't you?" I could feel my face heating up. Jade mentioned that Jackie really didn't have a filter of any sort but I had never experienced it up until now considering our distinct lack of conversations until this very moment, "Oh I'm totally right. Thirlwall refused to tell me anything but I can see it on your face. You like her, don't you,"
"Well yeah, Jade's my friend," Jackie shook her head.
"That's not what I mean and you know it," I stared Jackie down, trying to detect if she was being disingenuous or had malicious intent but from what I could pick up, she was alright.
I let the dam break.
For the next hour I sat with Jackie and ranted. She made a surprisingly good listener, despite Jade mentioning how she could barely get a word in normally. I ranted about how I wasn't sure about what Jade thought or felt. I ranted about our fucked up situation. I ranted about my fears for the future and my uncertainty about everything, but I did know one thing for certain.
I'm in love with Jade Thirlwall.
AN: sorry it's short, dw the epilogue is like 4 of this chapter combined and I'm really excited to upload that.
I have another story called 'iridescent' that I'm going to start updating once this one is fully published, I think there's maybe 2-3 chapters of this book left, depending on how much I can cram in the next chapter.
stay safe and stream confetti for clear skin
