"Jade?" I could hear Perrie call from outside what used to be our cell. I muttered a small yeah in response, not particularly wanting to get up from my bed and look at her. "Did it not go well?"
"What do you think Blondie?" In all honesty, I really didn't mean for my tone to be so harsh, but I couldn't help it. I'm mad. Angry even. My other hand better watch out, a nice concrete wall could be in its future.
"I'll leave you alone then," Perrie muttered. And then it was quiet. Way too damn quiet. And I hate it. But at the same time, if I hadn't gotten caught up with Perrie in the first place I would probably be packing. Or at least looking to leave in the next few days.
Damn Perrie and her nice personality and her good looks.
Now, I'm not particularly proud of how I acted, but it is what it is.
I essentially shut down. It was like my first days here all over again. I barely ate, I refused to talk to anyone. It's like auto pilot.
I'm no stranger to mental health issues. My life has never been picture perfect, far from it actually. When my mom died, it was like the whole world lost purpose and getting out of bed was pointless. I didn't get all that much time to grieve anyway, Jayla needed someone to help her out. While I was never officially diagnosed with anything, I think it's safe to say that I had some sort of depression. My anxiety didn't show up until I got arrested. Suddenly, with all the changes to my daily routine, I panicked. The first time the door to my cell shut behind me, the world crumbled and the walls felt like they were closing in. If I remember correctly,I had a massive panic attack and ended up passing out of exhaustion some time that night.
I'm about 90% sure that my depression is back again.
A month doesn't seem like it's that long, but when you're stuck here and you've been here for as long as I have, it's almost an eon. Same shit every single day. Over and over again. To make things even worse, Perrie sort of got my hopes up. I really thought I had a chance.
Four days after I met with the parole board, Perrie stopped giving me space. At first I think she understood that I needed to process things and I needed time, but I guess she got tired of that.
"Is that all you're going to eat?"
My eyes shot up to meet blue. I raised my eyebrow at her.
"What?"
"Is that all you're gonna eat? A single bite of your cardboard or what they call pancakes and the egg?"
"Why are you watching what I'm eating?" She shrugged.
"Someone has to and clearly over the past few days that someone hasn't been you, now seriously, you have to eat more." She pushed my tray closer to me and raised her eyebrows at me. I rolled my eyes back at her and took a second bite of the pancakes. I gave her a look like Happy? She gave me a sarcastic smile back. Very.
I sat there, staring down at my tray, refusing to look at Perrie. Sure, we were just talking but now that the conversation died down, I felt extremely bad. I ignored the girl for nearly a week and yet she was still keeping an eye on me. God why does she have to be so... so... nice.
"So um, hows your hand doing?"
I shrugged. "It doesn't hurt all that much any more, I should be getting the brace off tomorrow assuming it healed properly."
She nodded slowly and the awkward silence continued.
"I'm going to um, I'm gonna go make a call," I muttered pathetically and stood up to turn in my tray.
"Jade wait!" She called after me, but I ignored her, absolutely certain that I didn't want to argue about my eating habits at this particular time. I kept true to my word however, and made my way over to the row of phones to call my brother before he has to go to work. He picked up on the third ring.
"Hey Jade," He said, clearly apprehensive about my call.
"Hey Karl,"
"So um, wasn't your parole meeting a couple of days ago?"
"Yeah it was but as you can probably tell, I didn't make it."
"I figured that much but why not? I didn't think you were getting into all that much trouble. Dad would have said something."
"You've been talking to dad?" I asked, slightly appalled. I assumed after he moved out and took Jayla with him they wouldn't talk to each other.
"He calls me every time you do something in there and complains about it. By the way, I'm a little insulted you didn't tell me you broke your hand,"
"It was irrelevant, now why didn't you tell me dad talks shit about me before?"
"I thought I mentioned it and don't think you're not telling me about your parole meeting."
"What do you want to know about it?"
"Hmm I don't know, maybe why you're not packing your shit and coming home? Why don't you start there?" He asked sarcastically. I sighed.
"They're scared that because I punched a wall I would have anger issues on the outside or whatever so I'm meeting them again in around a little less than a month, on the 27th."
"Stay out of trouble, alright? I want to see you here in your own clothes by next month,"
"I'll try,"
"No you will, Jayla misses you and it would be a massive help if you were here."
"I can't make either of you any promises but I can say that I will stay out of trouble,"
"You better." he replied, "I better go, I have to go to work,"
"Okay, tell Jayla I said hi and that I love her,"
"I will, call later, yeah?"
"Yeah, bye Karl," I said, hanging up the phone. As soon as I turned around, piercing blue eyes were staring back at me. I wanted to look away, I really did. But something about Perrie is incredibly captivating to me, so I couldn't.
I slowly made my way back to her and sat across the table from her. She raised her eyebrow at me, clearly wanting me to start talking. I sighed.
"I'm sorry Perrie, I know you're just trying to help but... ah it's not really an excuse but I'm just disappointed you know?" I said, stumbling a bit over my words, "It's got nothing to do with you, I swear I just never really handled my emotions well and this is the result of that so um, yeah sorry," My eyes darted to the metal table in front of me, not wanting to look at her. She grasped my hand.
"Jade, I'm not mad. It's fine, I swear," She said, squeezing my hand.
I was about to respond when a CO walked in and yelled for us to line up so we could go class for the day. I gave her a small smile and stood up, telling her we would talk later.
AN: ahhh it's pretty short but it makes the most sense to end this chapter here so... it is what it is.
I finished that video game I was talking about a couple days ago so I should have more time to write again (and I've got some inspo from said video game for some new oneshots or potentially a new book...?)
stay safe everyone!
