I think I like Jade.
She seems to like me.
But neither of us have said anything about it.
It's not the biggest deal but we've been flirting ever since I slept in her bed for the first time. At least I think we're flirting. Honestly Jade is one of the most difficult people to read. The general attitude she has towards me is neutral, but certain things she does makes me think otherwise.
For example, she got into a fight because of me which led to her staying in the disciplinary unit for two days. And the only reason she actually resorted to violence was completely because of me. Well, what seemed to spur on the fight was when Rachel called me her girlfriend, and that aspect kind of set her off. I can't exactly tell if it was because the thought of it upset her or for another reason but it was sort of unsettling how she reacted so negatively towards the word in general. Like maybe she's homophobic and I'm reading everything wrong?
No, she's gay. Or at least bi. My gaydar is far too strong to get that wrong.
We've ended up in the same bed on multiple occasions, and I'm not complaining about it in the slightest.
Jade and I created a system for when I sleep in her bunk (which has turned into most nights). She is a generally really light sleeper, and she's told me about how this was horrible for her since her sister frequently talked in her sleep.
Throughout her time living here, she's apparently been able to train her ears to know if someone's coming to make sure we're all asleep. Depending on the type of CO that's scheduled, there's usually one to two times throughout the night where a CO will flash a light through the window and check to make sure that everyone is in bed. In this case, she's able to use her light sleeping almost like a superpower.
She says she can hear keys jingling from approximately three doors down. This gives her just enough time to push me out of bed, effectively waking me up and giving me a small window of time to jump back up on the top bunk like I was up there the whole time.
However, she failed to tell me this the first time she pushed me out of bed. I woke up with a start when I hit the ground. As soon as I realized what happened, I turned around to yell at Jade for, you know, pushing me out of a really nice dream, however I stopped as soon as I saw her with her finger to her lips, pointing to my bed. The distinct sound of keys jingling caught my attention, and I just about lept right back into my bed, just in time. The light from the CO's flashlight shined through the window in our door briefly before leaving just as quickly. They just wanted to make sure that there were two heads in two separate beds. I let out a small breath in relief and waited for another minuet, just to be safe, before I slowly slid back down to the bottom bunk with Jade.
She offered me a sheepish smile and lifted the blanket for me, inviting me back into bed.
"Can you warn me next time you wake me up like that? I didn't need that kind of adrenaline so early in the morning," I whispered, cuddling up to her again. She giggled slightly and hugged me.
"Sorry, I didn't know what to do. I panicked," I kissed her neck softly, silently accepting her apology, and slowly drifted back off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Jade you can't be serious,"
"C'mon blondie, don't you trust me?"
"I can't do that,"
"Sure you can, I believe in you,"
I shook my head at Jade and looked up at the intimidating structure. Every other week we were allowed into a different exercise yard that included weight training and an agility course. Currently, Jade was trying to get me to go up these monkey bars that start regularly but then hit an incline about twenty feet in. Being that I'm absolutely terrified of heights, I've avoided going on it, rather opting to watch Jade do laps on it with pull ups in between. This week however, Jade has been bothering me to at least go on it once since she beat me in arm wrestling and that was our bet. And I completely regret it.
"Jade, I'm going to fall," She smiled at me.
"No you're not, I'll be here to catch you,"
I paused and looked down at her from the platform where you start climbing. That sentence alone made my heart absolutely melt, and the lopsided grin she gave me wasn't helping. God she's cute.
~~~~~~~~~~
I realized I loved her when we finally kissed.
We shared it one night when I was in her bed and I asked her about her sexuality and I just kind of... kissed her. And it was really fucking nice. But in that exact moment I realized that I'm definitely in love with her.
Technically, I realized how much better my life had become as soon as she came into my life (ironically considering the conditions in which we met). I could feel some sort of deep connection with her and I'm not about to ignore that.
Except I did.
Well, I didn't technically ignore her. All of my feelings hit me like a title wave that night and the next day, which made me half stop functioning. I was scared that if I started a conversation with Jade, something would somehow slip out and she would find out. So, instead of being rational and deciding that it would be safe to at least engage in light conversation with her instead of making her think I was just playing her. She even accused me of being "gay for the stay" which was kind of insulting. I knew that she was just trying to figure out why I was acting the way I was, but honestly it blew my mind that she would even insinuate it. Like she has no sense of peoples sexualities or something.
We even argued about this. I said that nearly half the population of people who live here are gay or bi but she argued with me about it, claiming that you can't tell someone's sexuality from just how they look. I said that was true but I was basing it more off of vibes and mannerisms. I'm still not sure if she completely got it.
Anyway, that night when she asked me about my mood again I covered up my exact feelings. Sort of.
I did admit that I had a crush on her, which was not a lie. It just wasn't the truth. While she didn't explicitly say that the feelings were mutual, she did imply it. She even used my actual name, which has become an increasingly rare occasion.
She also let me sleep in her bed again that night, so that was a good sign.
As I drifted off into a peaceful sleep, One thought raged through my mind.
I never want to leave Jade's arms. Ever.
AN: Sorry its short... I have no idea why, but I've been having the worst attention span while writing. Like I have a one shot that I've been working on for like a week but I can't seem to sit down and write more than like a paragraph at a time even though I have the whole thing fleshed out? Idk.
Also, I should have this story fully ironed out and wrapped up in a couple chapters... bitter sweet vibes
stay safe and wash your hands! (and wear a damn mask @ america... I wanna be able to go outside and do stuff)
