The Healer- A Draco Malfoy Fanfiction

Chapter 42

Perhaps I was too blinded by love to see the truth.

What Harry had said in the Hospital Wing made sense. I wished it hadn't, because then I would have been able to brush it off. But this- this idea that my relationship was being used without my knowledge as a diversion, was too real for me to ignore.

My knuckles forcefully hit the door of Draco's bedroom three times. Goyle answered.

"Is Draco here?" I demanded.

"Yeah," Goyle replied, looking confused and slightly scared of my fuming demeanor. "Are you alright, Erica?"

"I need to speak with him. Alone."

Wide-eyed, Goyle let me enter the room, and he and Crabbe swiftly grabbed their cloaks and left. Just as the door closed behind them, Draco entered the bedroom from the adjoining sitting room, wearing a loose white shirt that was slovenly tucked into black slacks.

"Erica, I'm glad you're here. Did you bring another Sleeping Draught-" he stopped speaking when he finally caught sight of my angry expression. He froze like an animal caught in headlights.

"What's the matter, love?" Draco started to come towards me, but stopped when I held out a warning hand. He looked at it and scoffed, thinking I was joking. The smile slipped from his face when he realized I was serious.

"I am going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer me honestly. I think I deserve the truth, after all we've been through," I said, my voice trembling. "Have you been using our relationship as a coverup for your plan?"

Draco was silent. His eyes flicked to the floor, and he wet his lips momentarily, crossing his arms. Not a word left his lips.

My heart sank, and my fury rose. "Because if you are," I continued, my eyes stinging with the beginnings of tears, "If that's why you wanted to be with me so badly, then you are the most horrid person I have ever met."

"It's not like that," Draco replied. "It started as that, yes. But I truly, honestly fell in love with you. That was real."

I gasped air into my lungs and choked out a sob. So Harry's theory was true. "How am I supposed to believe that?" I barked, "How do you expect me to believe anything that you say, when this whole time I've just been a... a pawn?"

Draco exhaled, his thinning frame drooping from stress. "Do you want the truth?" he asked, looking me dead in the eyes. I crossed my arms and sniffled, nodding for him to go ahead.

Draco spoke without ever breaking eye contact with me. "The truth is that I didn't want to fall in love with you. I am the poster child of hatred, Erica, and you are a good hearted girl who lives to help people." I opened my mouth to speak, but he swiftly cut me off. "Don't say it isn't true. When we first met that night in the common room, I was attracted to you instantly. But in a way a lion is attracted to fresh meat. It was purely carnal- and I, I wanted so badly to fuck you then," his voice grew breathy, remembering the night. I humphed in contempt; I didn't confront him so I could get his play-by-play of the way he wanted to fuck me. But I let him speak, because it seemed like it was important to him that I know this.

"I had sworn off girls indefinitely so I could focus on my task. But you just... kept appearing. So stubborn, and persistent. You were begging to help me. So I," he swallowed, "being the vile, hateful person that I am, wanted to take advantage of you in every way I could. Because you were beautiful, and pure, and the sick corners of my mind didn't want you to get hurt by anyone but me. I... I asked you to be mine before I even knew that I loved you because it was just another way to exploit your kindness for my own gain. I knew that you had feelings for me and thought that you could be the perfect diversion should anyone become suspicious of my true intentions in the castle. But then..." his voice became strained, and a hand went to his forehead, "Then you were all I could think about. Every hour of the day, I spent replaying conversations we'd had. When I closed my eyes at night, I saw your face. Seeing you with another boy filled me with so much wrath, that I was willing to hurt myself just to get your attention. I wanted to be with you so badly that it scared me. Because I had never felt like this for anyone in my entire life. I realized that I wanted you to be mine, but not in a false way. In a real way."