The Healer- A Draco Malfoy Fanfiction

Chapter 21

Nothing felt real after that day. Food lost its flavor, my hands refused to paint, and any songs that I heard fell flat on my ears. I wished I could say I used this heartbreak as an excuse to throw myself into my work. But I often found myself mindlessly clawing at my own fingertips during class, ripping them to shreds, unable to pay attention. Textbook symptoms of anxiety.

I had never had anxiety before- at least, not like this. But the knowledge that Draco was now aware I was half-Squib kept me from ever getting a mental moment of peace. It was always a question of when, not if, something would happen and I would have to protect myself. For I couldn't count on Draco's protection any longer.

My parents sent me a letter alerting me that they made it safely to the United States and were settling into their new home in New York. I reread the letter thoroughly before burning it. No one could know that my mother, a muggle sympathizer, had escaped with my Squib father to the United States to avoid persecution from the returning influence of dark wizards. They had offered for me to do the same, but I refused, stupidly holding out on the idea that Draco and I could be together.

I could still see the ice that glazed over his eyes after I told him the truth.

His eyes were the last thing I saw before I fell asleep. Even though it hurt, I replayed that scene over and over in my mind, whittling my sanity down until I cried and cried. I became an expert at stifling my sobs in my bed at night, or in bathroom stalls, or even in the backs of classrooms. Whenever the thought of Draco entered my mind, the tears inevitably came, too. For he didn't want me anymore. I was just another person on his prospective hit list for when he "purifies" the student body.

"Hell, Erica. Your eyes."

I awoke in my bed with a sniffle. Penny was looming over me, her tweezed eyebrows upturned in an expression I couldn't discern as concern or disgust.

"What?" I croaked. I touched my fingertips to my eyelids, discovering they were swollen and puffy. I must have cried in my sleep last night.

Greta paused her dressing to come over and see. "Is that some kind of allergic reaction?" She tilted her head to get a better look.

"I'm just homesick," I grumbled dismissively, slowly rising from my bed to dress for the day. How long has it been since Draco rejected me? Give or take, about a week. I exhaled a warm breath of air in the frigid room. It only took my friends a week to notice I'm a complete mess.

"I have some eye cream you can borrow," Greta offered sweetly. "And why don't we all get some hot chocolates today?" she asked, her eyes specifically looking to me.

I smiled a little at her overture of friendship. I could always count on Greta to try and cheer me up. But Penny ruined the moment by remarking, "I don't think you need any more of those, Greta. If we go on having hot chocolates whenever we feel like it, we're going to balloon up."

I retorted, "If you don't like it, Penny, then you don't have to get one." Penny turned to me, no doubt with a frown, but I ignored her and worked on fastening my skirt.

"Fine, then. You all can get fat like a bunch of Hufflepuffs." Penny closed her trunk with a huff and went off to the women's loo. Greta, Evelyn and I were left standing in the tense air Penny and I created.

"You don't have to provoke her like that, you know," Greta said to me softly.

"Yeah, what's gotten into you, lately?" Evelyn chimed in curiously. "I mean, Penny can be a bit much sometimes, but lately it's like you have a problem with everything she says."

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm just speaking my mind. I'm sorry if it makes you all uncomfortable."

Greta and Evelyn exchanged a look. Greta wrung her hands and meekly said, "I know we're all stressed about OWL's, but something's changed about you, Erica. We're just a little concerned, is all-"