happy place || jj maybank ON HOLD

chapter nine

I stayed silent for the rest of the boat ride.

John told everyone he needed a 'normal' day after listening to the tape from his dad. By this, he meant no Merchant stuff, which I understood. It had to be hard hearing his voice again.

I couldn't bring myself to listen to it until after the boat ride.

Mr. Routledge talked to me in it. He talked about my parents, how they knew they were going to die. He said people were after all three of them, but never mentioned who. It infuriated me to know they could still be here if it wasn't for this shipwreck. It upset me to know I was actively putting myself into the same danger, and so was John and everyone else.

I didn't know how to deal with it, I've never been good at dealing with emotions in a healthy way. After listening to the tape, I felt as if I opened my mouth everything that I'd bottled up over the years would come spilling out. Like this tape was the last rock thrown at a glass house, the one that caused all the other cracks to connect, and bring the house down.

I was scared about becoming vulnerable, like the child I was, the child who was taken from her parents too early. I remembering staring down at the tape recorder as it clicked off, everyone surrounding me. I felt John place his hand on my shoulder, knowing how hard it was to hear it all.

I remember the sting in my throat as I held back the tsunami of tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I gently moved John's hand off my shoulder, and walked out of the house. I heard them call my name, but the tears that were spilling stopped me from responding.

I had to get out, I had to be alone. I felt like this was all my fault, I came back and confirmed John's suspicions about our parents. I wondered if this whole treasure hunt would've even taken place if I didn't come back. JJ, Pope, and Kie didn't believe it, maybe they could've talked him out of it.

Maybe if I wasn't here, they'd all be safe, and away form the danger that killed John and I's parents.

John continued calling after me as I ran out of the house, begging me to stay. I turned around and gave him a hug. I told him I loved him, but I needed time to process everything by myself, away from everyone. He nodded, understanding, and told me he loved me too, before heading back inside.

I broke down as he left, my emotions finally making their way to the surface. I tugged at the roots of my hair, before turning around and making my way back to my house. Wanting nothing more than to be alone.

"Really, Vienna? That's it?" I heard from behind me. This time though, it wasn't John.

"You don't speak all day. A day that John wanted so that he could feel normal again. Do you know how excited he was to have you back? Someone who he thought was going to support him and understand him, In a way we couldn't. But you went and ruined it."

"I ruined it?" I said, turning around to meet him. His features softened slightly as he looked into my bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. But he quickly replaced it with his famous emotionless stare, a stare I was all too familiar with. "Last time I checked, JJ, I woke up in a great fucking mood. I was ready to be that person for him. Only to have that ruined by you throwing yourself a fucking pity party!"

He let out a bitter laugh, sticking his tongue against his cheek, looking off the the right and nodding, a wicked smile on his face. "I threw myself a pity party? Is that right? Do you hear yourself?" He says, getting closer to me and narrowing his eyes.

I nodded "I don't know what the fuck I did last night, but nothing I said even remotely warranted the behavior you gave me today." I spoke, surprisingly keeping my composure under his death stare.