happy place || jj maybank ON HOLD

chapter thirteen

It takes me a while to calm back down, but eventually I do.

JJ lets me to smoke, telling me his biggest priority is to just keep me calm. He keeps blaming himself for what happened. He tells me several times that if him and John hadn't gotten drunk, they would've been at my house with me, and been able to stop it all.

"You want to talk about it a little?" He questions. "You don't have to."

"No, it's okay. I kinda want to get it out." I say, laying my head on his chest.

"When I was here last summer, I would go to parties on Figure Eight, knowing John wouldn't be there, you know. That's how I met him." I explain, "He was fun. He had this life that I craved. He was always doing something. His actions never had repercussions, no matter what he did. It was exhilarating. But overall, it was just a distraction. Him and his life was all a distraction for me. I was able to escape my deteriorating life and self destruction a little just by being with him." I exhale, preparing to get into the bad stuff after explain the backstory.

"I've slept with him before, but I didn't last night." As I admit to sleeping with him, I can feel JJ physically tense under me, "I couldn't sleep with him knowing you and John were here worrying about me as I was fucking up and fell back into old habits. Something's changed about him though, he had never done anything like that. There had been nights when I was too drunk or just not in the mood. Either way, we'd just go to bed or he'd leave. Somethings wrong with him now." I shake my head, figuring this out as I speak. I know it doesn't excuse anything he did, but I couldn't help but wonder what he'd gone through to change him.

"Once I made up my mind that I didn't want to sleep with him, I tried telling him. I told him no, that I didn't want to, and to get off of me, but he didn't listen. When I tried fighting against him, he-he pined me down by my hips. I couldn't move. I felt so defenseless. So I just stopped fighting. Once he saw I was crying it's like he realized what he had done. He looked scared and shocked. He didn't say anything though, he just got up and left."

"I wish I was there." JJ says, shaking his head. "I'm never going to let you get hurt again, Vienna. That's a promise." He said, pulling me farther into him as we laid in John's bed.

"It's not your fault, JJ."

"I don't care if it is or isn't. I'm telling you, from now on, I will protect you. Nothing like this will ever happen again. No one will ever hurt you again as long as I'm here." He states, kissing the top of my head. My heart flutters slightly, causing me to smile into his chest.

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John, Pope, and Kie returned after a few hours of being out. The three of them were at the library hoping to find some information to help figure out how deep the water is at the Merchant coordinates. However, they were unsuccessful.

JJ made sure I was feeling up to it before he suggested using his work card to get into the country club and use the computers.

JJ planted another kiss on my head as we walked toward the van, when the other three had their backs to us.

"I'm not leaving your side, V. You're safe." He spoke softly, as we walked behind the others toward the car. He softly patted my shoulder as he took a seat next to John, in the front.

He wouldn't stop glancing back at me throughout the ride, constantly checking to make sure I was alright. He would only turn back around once I gave him a nod.

"All right, keep a look out. We're behind enemy lines." JJ joked as we pulled in, returning back to his goofy self. Which I was thankful for, I didn't want him to feel like he was babysitting me.