Dearest Kit

Chapter Two

Dearest Lana,

You are in no way ordinary, Lana. If anything, you are one of the most extraordinary people I have ever known. You may be faceless, for the time being, but I know your name, you’re Lana. Your name has polluted my veins, it runs around my body at all hours of the day, and night, Lana, Lana, Lana. Your life is full of meaning, you give my life meaning. You forget that Christopher Ainsworth is writing emails to you too, we’re in this together. 

I won’t, I promise you. I’m sorry about your friend, I had similar issues with my dad until he stopped all the nonsense, however, saying that, he still wears nicotine patches and it has been nearly ten years. I gave my dad an ultimatum, I told him that if he did not stop, I was not going to attend his funeral when he died of some smoking related disease. I also asked him if he ever wanted to meet my wife, be at our wedding, if he wanted to see his grandchildren grow up. Be shocking, be dramatic; it’s the only thing that worked. In fact, it was similar thoughts to these that made me quit. I thought about me and Isabel, our future together (look how all that turned out...) I decided that I wanted to be around for my children, I didn’t want to leave them like my father would leave me. I care about you too, but what does it matter if we care for one another? We are just a boy and a girl, and there is nothing wrong with that, is there?

Thank you, I’ve had a lot of practice. In all honesty, I think maybe I was hired solely on my sultry pout. Stephen Fry, most definitely, Stephen Fry. I have met lots of wonderful people, directors, fellow actors, but Mr Fry has always been a hero of mine. I have never seen a more English man, someone so witty and clever and jolly, he’s the kind of man I would like to have as a best friend. You never cease to amaze me, Lana. In some ways it is all I can think of, what would have been if I hadn’t of done the movie, but then again, I wasn’t all that famous before it! Without A Crippling Blow, as terrible as it is, I wouldn’t have got half the roles I’ve had. On the other hand, maybe I would have done more independent films if I had stuck away from the whole saga. It’s the never ending question, what would’ve, what could’ve been. We only have this one life to live, I suppose this is the problem. Overall, no, I don’t regret it, because it is what made me who I am today. 

I have so many questions I want to ask you, too many that when it comes to writing one down I find it near impossible to choose. They’re mostly little things, things which you would take for granted considering the fact you already know what I look like, how I speak, the clothes that I wear. How old are you, how tall? Do you have a middle name? (Mine’s James.) When’s your birthday, I would like to send you a present? If I were to see a photo of you, would it ruin this whole illusion? Would it shatter the bond that has grown between us, is it the distance which makes us so honest? 

I want to know why you use a front, it’s obviously not for the paparazzi or the media, talk to me, explain to me why it hurts to be yourself? 

Thank you, I will send it off as soon as I find it amidst all these boxes, I’m in the process of finding, and deciding, on somewhere to live. England, LA; a house, an apartment; alone, or with friends. I’ve been to Brighton a few times, when I was younger, to the beach and to the pier. I remember the freedom, the individuality; tell me something that only Brighton citizens will know about their precious city. I want to feel at home. LA is just as it seems to any outsider, full of concrete and movie stars; it’s soulless, it will eat you alive. 

I’m glad you like the book, I think it gets better towards the last third. I think I may have read a Carl Hiasson, after seeing the movie funnily enough, Strip Tease? I think the movie had Demi Moore in, but I remember the book being much better. I never got round to reading any of his others but maybe I should do that. I like authors who have written a large number of books, it means you can stay locked in the house for days, alone with your imagination.