Dearest Kit

Chapter Four

~

My Lovely Lana,

I think people are starting to notice a change in me. I read an article in a Hollywood, gossip magazine with photos of me walking around LA looking happy. There are rumors starting, that I have a new girlfriend. I don’t know what to do, what do you want me to do? 

Thank you for your heart, what a wonderful gift, I’ll look after it like my own. I’ll keep it locked in an old wooden box beneath my bed, with the key strung around my neck. No-one will be able to touch it, no-one will be able to hurt you. I don’t know if you noticed, but I gave you mine the second you mentioned Americana, it’s been yours all this time. 

I like vinyl too, but it is hard to find good, old fashioned, cheap record shops where I’m staying, nothing like London markets or Camden lanes. Oh look, you’ve surprised me again, are you ever going to stop doing that? You’re a scientist, wow, smart girls are the hottest. I have also never heard the verb ‘love’ used in such close proximity to the word ‘Maths’, you really are a one of a kind. You’re not socially awkward around me. You do give me a break from the media, just by sending me these letters. 

What colour eyes do you have and if you could describe yourself using one word, what would it be? Ask a friend if it helps. Eighteen is a good number, it was good for me anyway. Maybe it will be good for you too, you never know what might happen. I would never be disappointed in you, my darling. No matter what you look like, you’re perfect for me, perfect in your imperfections. Granted, the fingernail disorder could be a little bit of a burden, but I’m sure we’ll work something out, you could just wear gloves all day long? 

You didn’t need to clear up your soul for me, I already felt at home. I like the wallpaper, it’s unusually beautiful. 

I think there comes a moment, when you just know what you want to be. For me, it was when I was sixteen and my father took me to see a black and white movie in the west end. It was starring James Stewart, and I wanted to be just like him. I’ve never heard of someone wanting to be a forensic scientist which is why it doesn’t surprise me that it has crossed your mind. Your writing is beautiful, but if you don’t feel passionate about it, then you shouldn’t force it. Always go with your gut. If music is what you want to do, then do music. Do you play an instrument, or sing? What makes you want to be a singer? What would you sing? Don’t let anyone tell you that it is impossible, because nothing is impossible. 

My grandmother once told me that fantasies are useless, unless they were meant to come true. 

I managed to slip away from filming for an hour and track down some incense, imagining it is how you smell. I’ve been burning it in my apartment and it makes me feel closer to you, it makes you seem more real and less a figment of my imagination. I did get a peanut buttery whiff at around one o’clock. I thought nothing of it at the time, but perhaps that is what it was. Take all the time you need, I’ll be waiting. 

I like playing acoustic stuff, wailing away to myself in my room. The stuff I write is slow and poetic, but the genre I find most enjoyable to play is old country, or rock, or a fusion, like The White Stripes. I can play a little piano, but I was never much good, guitar was always my passion, always the hobby which managed to sink into my soul. I’m sure you weren’t as bad as you thought you were, Drama is always objective. I liked Art because I was a doodler, in reality, I had very little technical ability.

My energy feels healthier just knowing that yours is happy. Can energy be happy? I’m not sure. I find it hard to believe that anyone at your school can be cooler than you, who could be cooler than Lana Marie? Did you tell her? Mina? How did she react, did she believe you? No-one has any expectations, we can just exist. Maybe this is getting more serious, more real, but that doesn’t scare me. Commitment feels natural to me, but perhaps that is just because I am such a trusting person.