Dearest Kit

Chapter Seven

Here it is, by public demand :) I hope you enjoy this one, it's kind of different from the others... I've just written a really beautiful chapter, so I'm excited to keep uploading this story! Please comment with what you think, it means a lot to me!

Thanks,

Lily x

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I hit send on that last email and sat staring at the screen of my laptop, my mind wrapping around all that had happened the last two days. Everything had been so perfect between us, we had been getting along so well, and now it had all gone to shit. None of it mattered anymore, it was all insignificant now.

I hated him for it, I was so angry that my skin was beginning to feel feverish to touch. I had clenched my jaw, and my shoulders had risen all the way up around my neck, so tension was spreading across my spine. I was pretending that my hands weren’t shaking, despite the fact that my rings were rattling against the metal casing of the computer. I was pretending that my heart wasn’t yearning for him, despite the fact I had been in an appalling mood all week. I wanted to kick him in the face, I wanted to grab his heart from beneath my pillow and squeeze it until it was lifeless and still, because there was no way to explain to him how much he had hurt me.

It felt like he had ripped my heart from my chest and then rolled all over it as he made love to his beautiful, famous girlfriend. It was impossible to describe to him the pain and utter shock which had passed over me when he’d told me what had happened, which was why I was torturing him; it was a defense mechanism. I had been so completely honest with him and told him things which I had told no-one else on the planet, and yet he still decided to throw my feelings to the ground. No amount of obscenities could make me feel better.

I had told him, I had fucking told him how it was going to turn out, how this would all end. In one of my first emails I had told him why I was worried about him, worried about us getting too close. I told him that I would inevitably end up liking him more than he liked me, and I didn’t want my heart to get bruised in the process, I didn’t want this to happen. Why hadn’t I paid attention to my brain, why hadn’t I followed my instincts? Of course I knew why, it was Christopher Ainsworth. My Kit.

I read over the final words I had written to him, whatever you want, Christopher. I began to cry. Fast, warm tears started to race across my cheeks, catching in my eyelashes and on my lips, falling off my jaw and onto the computer keyboard. I felt my chest heave and my throat catch as I tried to stop myself from sobbing. I bent my legs up to my chest and covered my face with my hands, crying into them, trying to smother the sound of my broken heart. I didn’t want to cry over him but I couldn’t really help it. I think I had loved him.

There was a knock at my bedroom door and I quickly sat upright, wiping the tears from my cheeks and trying to dry my eyes. I tucked a long lock of blonde hair behind my ear and took a few deep breaths, trying to re-oxygenate my body, to invigorate my lungs.

“Come in,” I called out, although deep down I knew my mum would notice, the sore eyes and the husky voice.

“Hi sweetie, I was just-” she broke off mid sentence when she realized that I was upset. She began to frown and her eyebrows formed a question mark across her forehead. “What’s wrong, what happened?”

“There’s something I didn’t tell you,” I blurted out, gulping loudly. “A while ago, I sent this email to,” I paused and licked my lips, sucking on my bottom lip desperately. “I sent this email to Christopher Ainsworth,” I muttered, knowing that she wouldn’t believe me, not at first.