Bedroom Whispers

Peaceful Rebel

I'm a dead man walking. A simmering volcano.

🔥💥🔥

I recall my days in uni., UNIBEN, 300 leveI. I remember how I had stopped attending classes. I had stopped turning in my coursework. I had even previously missed my exams (200l) on purpose.

I had no sense of worth. Zero sense of value. Zero sense of Self. I had lost my individuality, ripped from me like a lion tearing the flesh off a slain antelope. Have you heard of a zero point something GPA before? That was my 100 level avg. GPA.

By the end of 200 level, I was averaging a one pointer. A one pointer out of five. I remember somebody stopping me on the road one day to ask me, "Are you being oppressed by cultists?" I was a bit taken aback. I wanted to know why he asked.

He said, "I watch you a lot. You always walk with your head bowed, and you keep looking back like you're being chased."

The problem had morphed from the emotional phase into the physical. My body had started to live out the negative scripts society wrote for me. It's a proven fact that your body posture influences your mental posture, and vice versa.

Do you know what it means to be called worthless to your face? And what it means to feel worthless?

A side note: Be careful with your words. They have the power of life and death.

I have forgiven them but I've not forgotten, because these are the emotional scars that symbolize the battles I've won.

I felt less than trash. I slept and woke up and just existed, glad that I saw food to eat and had a place to roost. Life was bland and tasteless.

In 300 level, several incidents happened that shapened history for me. One that struck deep was the less than 5-minute talk Yomi had with me. Somehow he got a clue that all was not well. I don't know what he sensed or felt, but he invited me to his room and he told me these words after he ended his talk.

"... the deepest regret a man can have is knowing you have the ability to do it, but never giving it a try."

And walahi, I tried. I fucking tried. Sir Paul had helped me with gaining mental confidence, (I shared his prescribed mirror-affirmation exercise sometime ago. Click this link to read it https://www.facebook.com/100043634942287/posts/142802583850906/?app=fbl)

When my boss, Yomi, told me those words, it hit home straight. He wasn't just speaking to my school grades. He was speaking to my entire existence. I told myself, "No more regrets!"

It's been a long journey to recovery. I've come a long way from the pits. I gained back my voice. I got my shoulders up. Thunder fire who say make I lower the voice o. Wahala for person wey say make I drop shoulder. Before you open mouth yarn, check my scars. I have my fair share.

I made my sacrifices. I paid my dues. I'm still paying the price. I'm still daring the stars. I didn't gain this voice to learn how to hush. I didn't light this flame to get hidden. If you come with a wet blanket, this heat will vaporize your water and use your smotherers for fuel.

The Lion that silently enjoys the afternoon stroll can also charge and break bones. Na just 2 seconds e need.

I was privileged to speak with Yomi yesterday,, and in his characteristic ginger, he broke the same bread, but with a different flavour (Yomi baba, much hailings from your boy 🙌🙌.) He said these to me as we closed the conversation;

"Baba (how he calls people when he's "high,") you just have to keep trying. There's nothing to lose. It's either of two answers; a yes or a no. But if you keep trying, someone will definitely give you a 'yes.'"

I thought to share this burning piece of my experiences with you who have given up, or is overwhelmed and feels like throwing in the towel.

Don't let the fuckery of the system tamper with your mind. Stay sharp. Stay sane. Gather that courage and write the next application. Sing the next song. Write the next page. Paint the next canvas. Make the next app. Build the next system. Make that call. Do that thing which comes to mind right now. Take the first step. Just start. Waka the next waka. Bone anybody wey dey gee you negative vibes. Ahead ahead, people.

"This house fine, this house fine," no be one day dem use build am. Start anyhow, anywhere. The road gets clearer as the journey progresses.

Stay sharp!

Oga Yomi, this boy is freaking loyal ✌️

Somebody asked, "So what did you graduate with?"

I graduated with a 2.2. That's a second class lower. "Their papa!" (in my full warri accent.)

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Don't let no result of nobody define you. Don't get into their boxes. Don't imitate the voice of system. It's shallow. Look within and seek your Voice. And when you find it, SCREAM like the world is your stage, because it is.

Peace, people.

Peace.

💚

🦁 The Peaceful Rebel! 🦁