Bedroom Whispers

Twists and Turns

There was this girl I once crushed on. Like the dictionary meaning of the word 'crush', I had a very strong feeling of romantic love for her, but I never did express it.

There were the usual fleeting glances, occasional light conversation heavily laced with tension and sparking energies from both sides of the pole, the one-off secret smiles, and the few times we caught each other's stares. Courseworks and normal school life soon made me fade into the background, but my feelings were still actively raw.

I studied her for months. We were in the same level in the university, so I took some courses with her. I watched her type of friends. I studied her clique. I observed the things that made her laugh. I noticed everytime she came in moody. Damn! She was like a project topic to me. And boy, I did do a badass research. Oblivious of my keen interest in her, she was a plain book for me to read. I could watch her be herself in her space. People watching has always been a much cherished hobby for me.

I observed she was not attached to any guy, despite the various advances she received. I watched the guys make their moves and I just shook my head in pity for them. Sometimes, I think and quietly snicker at how theatrical guys become when they get crazed with a girl. They were like clownish actors. And this is not to despise their effort, for they had the balls I never had. I respect them for that. But you see, if you must catch a fish, you have to use the right bait. These guys had no bait. They just jumped into the waters and expected fishes to come swimming to their laps.

Apologies to the humanists who might take offence with my analogy of the fish. I hope you understand its usage is for literary purposes, and in no means reduces the female gender to a piece of meat to be pursued, caught and eaten. I myself am a worshipper of the woman.

I had spent months, observing, studying and watching her. I wouldn't use stalking because I was well aware of the weirdness of the act, stalking I mean. So, like a professional assassin, I was patient, sleek, possessed stealth, and moved with a lithe and grace. I had the bullets. Those guys had the trigger, and everytime they squeezed, the best they got were clicks. I watched the clicks tick off countless times. It was funny to me at the moment.

Then life hit. As it's wont to do. I had gathered my arsenal, fortified my weaponry and finally bolstered the courage to shoot my shot. I had the location staked out. I had chosen a vantage point. A sure killer one. I was damn certain about it. I don't think I've been more certain of my plans before this time, or at any other time after that. I should get the credits here. I put in serious work. (Don't ask me if that was what made my grades to flop. LOL). And I boldly say this because the plan would have worked out as perfectly as The Professor's in "La Casa De Papel". Except that, like the professor's plan too, there are some things we don't plan for. They always never cross our minds when we make plans.

Now, here comes the hit. The little glitch that we don't often foresee when we plot our graphs. Like the Covid 19 pandemic to the year 2020, my close friend crushed on my crush, and asked me for help in winning her attention. Yeah. Open those eyes wider. My bombs went off in my pockets too.

How come? I had watched movies and heard stories revolving around this kinda theme, but, ... This happens in real life? At that moment, the real meaning of the word 'sacrifice' became clear to me. I thought I was having a crush, but this guy, this guy was totally gone. Like totally off his feet. Man was practically floating. I'll call him 'Guy' from here on.

I had this popular quote back then. "Every heart is like a lock. You just need the right key to open it." This earned me several names, but one stuck among my inner circle of friends. "Code breaker." Somehow, within minutes of his confession to me, as well as his request, I had formulated a plan in my head. Looking back now, I'm amazed at the speed of such calculations. I definitely miss the days when I spun thoughts and options on the go. Now I do a lot of thinking and back and forth before making moves. Boring.