One Day At A Time

Chapter Thirty Two - Inside Out

"I had been in a state of shock when you had mentioned what Nikhil had said to you on the phone that day. But what really got to me was the ruthless manner in which he had done it." Khushi stared at the mug of tea in her hand. Her lashes lifted slowly to Anjali. "I saw you in that state, and my blood had boiled."

Anjali held her gaze for a moment and folded her legs to make herself comfortable on Khushi's bed. She had turned up at her doorstep early in the morning, surprising the senior Joshis, and waited for a while for Khushi to wake up. After chatting with Anagha over a cup of coffee, she had finally lost her patience and woken Khushi up. And then there had been that one sweet moment when everything in the past had been forgotten, and smiles of incredible warmth had lit up their faces instantly when Khushi had opened her droopy eyes to find her standing right in front of her. Soon they were sitting comfortably on her bed with mugs of coffee and tea in their hands with smiles and laughter following each other intermittently like old times, catching up on their lives as if nothing had ever happened between them. After a while, the conversation had slowly steered towards the inevitable subject, and their smiles had quietly slipped out of the room.

"Nikhil mentioning another girl had pulled the rug beneath my feet. It had been a mind-numbing shock, Khush. We had fought often, but there had never been an anxious or insecure moment in my life with him." She glanced at Khushi with a wry smile on her lips. "He not being with me or walking away with someone else was never meant to be an option."

Anjali's eyes were looking at her in a way that had the muscles around her heart tightening in agony. "And I hadn't heard a word of what you were saying then because my mind was on a trip of its own." Khushi paused to look at her with eyes full of guilt. "God, I had been so self-obsessed, so selfish that day, Anj! And this was —" Her hand shook as she placed her mug on the side table and pulled her knees together to her chest and hugged them. "—because for one terrifying moment, I had seen myself as Nikhil and you as Arnav and I hadn't like the feeling at all. Something had snapped inside me."

Anjali placed her on her arm. "You were fighting your own battles, Khush. I don't blame you. I wasn't in a frame of mind to consider what you were going through, either. Wish I—"

"Stop." Khushi's throat choked on the word. "You were the one who was in pain and hurting, and you had every right to come to me, no matter what was going on in my life." Her fingers trembled while they rested on her lap.

"Who is to decide who was feeling more miserable that day? Hearts were hurting, and the brains had shut down as expected. Don't berate yourself for it because I have stopped doing that to myself." Anjali squeezed her arm, watching Khushi's troubled and pale face. "And why should you feel miserable? Don't ever doubt your decision about Arnav, Khush. You were right in—"

"I don't know what is right or wrong anymore, Anj." She murmured ruefully. "When I had left for Bangalore the next morning, I was very sure of what I was doing, and I still do believe I had done the right thing then." Her eyes prickled with tears, and she blinked them away quickly. "Because I had seen me, Arnav and Kabir going through immense emotional turmoil in future, teetering on the edge of our feelings for each other. It was a nightmare of a situation, and I hadn't been able to see a way out of it." Tears washed across her eyes again and stayed there. "To become the reason for two brothers drifting apart had given me cold feet. I am not a diplomatic person, Anj. I wouldn't have been able to handle it. My mere presence in their life would have drawn them apart. It was a heavy cross to bear."

"I understand," Anjali said in a thick voice. "I admit to having judged you on that day. But now in hindsight, I know, there is always a reason behind such life-altering decisions. Most of the times, a justified one." She glanced at Khushi. "It must have been a tough decision to make, Khush."