One Day At A Time

Chapter Nineteen - La Douleur Exquise

"How's the coffee, Kabir?"

Shirley's dulcet voice made him glance at her over his shoulder once before getting back to the task at hand. She stood in front of him in a black skirt which stopped a couple of inches above her knees revealing her long shapely legs. Her long straight hair fell over a netted full sleeves white top and her dark brown eyes kept staring at him as he concentrated on tuning his guitar sitting on the floor of the stage.

Kabir and his band, a group of enthusiastic musicians, had driven all night from Pune to Nasik in a mini-van for a Christmas gig scheduled in one of the old theatres in the city. They were teaming up with a professional entity outside Pune to deliver a performance for a big college Christmas event for the first time and were excited and equally nervous about it. They had arrived at the venue in the morning and were busy rehearsing and setting up the equipment for the show in the evening which was already sold out.

"What is the point of asking me? You did not make it, Shirls." Kabir glanced back at her with a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

"I haven't, but I had stepped out to get it for you. The chai-wala boy hasn't turned up yet. And I saw you light another one, which is more than you normally do, Kabir. Why don't you give your lungs a break from that poison and have some coffee?"

His lips curved into a waggish smile as she flicked her thick fringe over her forehead towards the side. "You care a lot, Shirls."

"Screw you for saying 'care' instead of 'love'. And you worry me, mister. That shit kills, remember?"

Kabir offered her a faint smile this time as he shook his head. He had been listening to these reminders too often from too many people ever since he had started smoking and realised that he had become immune to these words of caution at some point of time when cigarette had taken over his life completely. Tuning out is bliss, he thought as he ignored her question one more time and got back to tuning his guitar.

"Shirls, can you give me an E just to start, please? I will listen to this beauty now." He winked and ran his fingers on the strings of his favourite guitar. "God, I want a Fender! You know what to gift me on my birthday now."

"Wish I had that kind of money, Kabir." She smiled and walked up to her keyboard. "Maybe I should sell my diamond ring and buy you one." She winked and burst out laughing looking at Kabir's shocked face which then transformed into one that wore a soft smile. "Here's your note, Kabs!" She chuckled as she held the key with her long slender finger.

The lyrics of the now-regular song filled his brain and heart, and the fingers automatically caressed the strings..

"What a wicked game you played... to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do ...to let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say ..you never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do ...to make me dream of you
And I ....I don't want to fall in love
No, I ...I don't want to fall in love
With you.."

The pain came to him instantly as the words and the notes hit him in waves, each successive one more powerful than the previous. It broke through his painstakingly erected stoic facade and flowed freely through his veins, wounding his heart on its way, jabbing it mercilessly with every laboured breath. Her memories sliced through his heart, kindling the ache and the yearning for her, causing him a pain he thought he didn't have the strength left to endure anymore. For the first time since the evening before Khushi had left for the trek, he felt like he was sinking into an abyss of despair and helplessness. He gripped the neck of his guitar tightly as if it was a log of wood which would save him from drowning. The strings cut through his callus fingertips as he took a shuddering breath and exhaled deeply with his eyes closed. When he opened them, they glistened with wetness clumped to his long dark lashes.