One Day At A Time

Chapter 43 - Tied in Nots

Staring at herself in the mirror, Khushi saw a woman who was anxiously attempting to keep her nerves under tight control. She sat on the dressing stool in her vest and jeans wondering if she should skip the campfire session that was fast growing into a moonlight jamming party downstairs. She could hear Kabir strumming beautiful songs on the guitar and a part of her was already there with him, singing with the chorus. But her head was pounding with a migraine she couldn't wish away with a couple of painkillers. It was the first time it had hit her since she had landed in Pune, and the message from her body was clear; her mind was in hell.

She heard the knock on the door once again and uttered an irritated sigh. God, why wouldn't they leave her alone? She had no intention of going downstairs to be a part of the merriment where once again the man in her life would find a new way to show her that she didn't mean anything more than a friend to him. It might be the truth! A voice inside her head poked her and she quashed it instantly.

She knew exactly what she had done during the football game. She had crossed a line. A line she had let him believe they both had to respect but had failed to do so herself, and quite spectacularly. Who in their right frame of mind would pull their zip — mortification stained her cheeks pink. Platonic friends never indulged in that kind of behaviour! Platonic! She snorted. In her head, it was anything but that given the nature of thoughts which sent the blood roaring in her veins in his presence.

And she was getting increasingly frustrated with her indecisiveness about Naaz, which was draining her of the courage to come clean about her feelings for him. Why was it so hard to acknowledge that what she felt for him was irrespective of what he felt for her or whoever was in his life right now? It didn't matter anymore. In her mind, she had gone past caring.

When the knocking got persistent, she knotted her hair into a shabby bun, pulled the straps of her vest over her shoulders and opened the door.

"It's Mir." Payal said flatly, handing over the cordless phone to her. "He said he is returning your call." She added with a strange look in her eyes and left the room without saying a word to her.

Frowning at the empty space which had been occupied by Payal a few seconds ago, she held the phone against her ear. "Hello?" Her voice quivered as she walked towards her bed and sat down on it with a sigh.

"Khushi?"

"Hey, how are you?"

"I am good. Sorry I couldn't take your call earlier. I was in a surgery, couldn't—what — what's wrong? Your message sounded—everything okay?"

"I—I have a really bad migraine this time. And I need to take that strong tablet you had recommended. You had asked me to take it only after asking you and—" For some strange reason, a lump lodged itself into her throat unexpectedly and she swallowed.

Silence followed seemingly for a very long time as he waited for her to complete what she was saying. "You don't have to find excuses to call me and you know that."

She closed her eyes as a sob threatened to arrest her speech. "I know. Its just that— I am .. lost. I don't know what to do and—" Tears brimmed in her eyes. "I wish Mandy was here. I miss her so much. I miss all my friends there and I feel—"

"Did you do what you had decided to do when we spoke the last time?"

"No."

He let out a deep sigh. "Then how do you expect things to sort — why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Because I don't know how to do it, Mir!" She cried. "I can't do this! I am too scared of losing him.. forever! The fear is so big that I cannot bring myself to even reference anything that would lead to a discussion about some other girl! What if he says he's in love someone else — what if he says he feels nothing for me — how does one live with that kind of —" Another silence followed when she realised who she was talking to. "Shit! I am sorry, I—"