Do You Blame Yourself?

[Chapter 5] - So Maybe I'm Not Okay

"Well, this sucks," Kwazii muttered before grabbing his computer and typing something into his messages.

oi
what r u doing?

No response. He didn't think Shellington would be awake at this hour. As the clock hit midnight, Kwazii glanced over at his nightstand. He got up and walked out of his pod.

As Kwazii made his way to the fridge, he stopped. He looked at the floor, then up at the ceiling, and then around the room. He slowly opened the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water, and shut the door.

Something doesn't feel right, he thought.

Stupid thoughts about what could be waiting for him outside his pod ran through his head. He shook his head violently, hoping that would shake them all out. His vision got blurry, and his head was spinning. Kwazii held his head with his free hand, and made his way back to bed.

Kwazii opened his pod door, and almost collapsed onto the floor next to his bed. Thank the gods he made it to his bed in time, or he would've ended up face first on the floor. His face was buried in his pillow, and he slammed the water bottle onto his nightstand. Kwazii rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

Or he at least tried to.

He could barely see anything. His vision was so foggy, and his head was pounding. His vision was also worsening as his eyes filled with tears, the palms of his hands digging into his eyes, pushing down on his eyepatch, which only made things worse.

He did sleep with that eyepatch on, and no one knew why. Kwazii didn't want to explain why either. He didn't have anything bad happen to him, he just kept it on, which would be a weird answer. He kept trying to gasp for air, but he just couldn't. Tears rolled down the side of his face. Kwazii sat up, looking at his arm. He wanted to tear away at the bandages, but he couldn't. He had two reasons for that. One, he was too tired, and his arms hurt like hell, and two, it would only make things worse. His bloodshot eyes stared at his arm even harder than before. Maybe if he stared hard enough, it would fall off? Kwazii was out of ideas. He had no scissors to cut it off, no energy to rip it off, and no one to help him take it off.

No one.

He was reminded that no one was awake, so he couldn't talk to anyone. That just made him sob harder. God forbid if he woke anyone up. Kwazii covered his mouth trying not to be loud, but that was no help. "Maybe I'm not okay. Maybe I just can't do simple things on my own now," Kwazii managed to spit out to no one. He wanted to tear off the stupid bandage, but he didn't.

"You can't do what?" Someone asked. Kwazii looked up. As the figure got closer, Kwazii tried to make out who it was. And lo and behold, it was Peso. Kwazii went slack.
"What is it with me and waking everyone up?" he asked.
"I've been awake," Peso whispered. Kwazii's face dropped.

"Oh," he mumbled. Peso got a bit closer to Kwazii.
"Are you all right? I mean, I think I know the answer to that question, but I want to know how you feel," Peso said. Kwazii looked up at the medic.
"I feel like you should go to sleep, matey," he spat.
"Then you should, too. When was the last time you got more than five hours of sleep?" Peso questioned, placing his hands on his waist. Kwazii glanced to his side.
"I don't actually remember," Kwazii muttered under his breath.
"That's what I thought. If you're feeling up to it, we could do something tomorrow? Something that won't hurt your arm, though," Peso pointed out. Kwazii glanced back up at Peso.
"Yeah, that would be nice," he said with a small smile.
"All right, now go to bed!" Peso whisper-shouted before leaving the room.
"Okay, okay!" Kwazii trailed off before rolling on his good side to fall asleep.

Words: 700 Words
ouch this chapter hurt to write. first time publishing something this sad. not the last though ;)