Do You Blame Yourself?

[Chapter 22] - The Eyes Of The Young

Everyone was super accepting of Kwazii, and that was all that mattered to him. He was super proud of himself, so that was good. But something was off. Peso had been sort of quiet, and he prayed that no one had noticed. Just his luck, someone did. The two were left in the HQ.
"Hey, Kwazii? Do you have a minute?" he asked, catching Kwazii's attention. 

"Yeah, matey. What's up?" he questioned, approaching Peso. Kwazii placed his hands on his waist, awaiting an answer.
"Well, earlier when you officially came out, I was pretty quiet, but just so you know, I'm really proud of you. More than you can ever imagine," Peso said, holding his hands out as if he wanted Kwazii to hold them. He did, but he wasn't about to admit that outloud. A smile appeared on Kwazii's face. 

"Thanks, Peso," he said. "It took a while to actually do it, but it was worth it." Peso smiled softly.
"Well, I'm glad you had the courage to do it," he said. All Peso felt like doing was wrapping his arms around him, and just hugging him.
"Yeah, I was a nervous wreck," Kwazii added, brushing that off as if it were nothing. Peso chuckled quietly, dropping his shoulders. "Peso, is something wrong?" Kwazii asked, trying to get a response out of him.
Peso looked up before slowly wrapping his arms around Kwazii's arms.
"I'm just really proud of you," he said.

This sort of shocked Kwazii, but he felt a feeling of comfort run through him as he wrapped his arms around Peso's waist.
"You all right?" he whispered into Peso's ear. All he did was nod. "You sure, matey? You wanna go lay down?" Kwazii was kind of concerned now. Peso wasn't talking, all he did was keep his arms wrapped around him, like his life depended on it.
Kwazii said, "I don't know if I should take that as a yes or a no." Peso kept his arms still as he reeled back to look at Kwazii.
"I feel fine Kwazii, don't worry," he said. Kwazii stared back at him.
"You don't look fine. You look tired." Peso blinked a few times before smiling.
"I guess you have a point," he muttered, rubbing his eyes. Kwazii held Peso by his upper back and the arm that was closest to him.
"All right, let's go," Kwazii suggested as the two trudged along to Peso's pod.

Kwazii opened the door leading to Peso's pod.
"All right, I can just-"
"I've got this." Kwazii glanced over at Peso in pure confusion.
"You positive? Ya don't want any help?" he asked just to make sure.
"I'm positive," Peso replied, his words coming out slurred.
"Mhm... Yeah, let me help you," Kwazii decided, walking back over to him.
Holding up a hand, Peso stopped Kwazii from coming any further. "I can handle this," he stated. Kwazii froze in his spot before returning back to where he once was.
"All right," he said. Kwazii grabbed ahold on the pod's door and looked back. "I'm going to bed, but if you need anything I'm always here, okay?" Peso looked up just the slightest bit.
"All right, Kwaz. Goodnight!"
"Goodnight, Peso!"

Peso was laying in his bed, trying to fall asleep. He felt almost as if he had done something wrong. Something felt... weird. Kwazii was different, but Peso felt as if he was the only one who noticed. He clutched his pillow on top of his head, just trying to keep the tears from falling. Peso threw the pillow off his face and looked up at the ceiling. "What is wrong with me?" he asked to no one. Peso sat up, shoulders shaking. Kwazii only left his pod a while ago, he couldn't just go out and risk blowing his cover. All he did was grab his pillow once again, and he screamed. When I say he screamed, he screamed.

Peso had a lot of pent up feelings he refused to express, but as he got up and decided to walk to the kitchen to get something, he had to calm himself down. Peso stumbled through the hallway, making sure no one was awake. The lights illuminated against his face, making him look like a ghost. He could've just stayed in bed, but that wouldn't solve any of his problems.

Peso froze in the middle of the kitchen, his anger levels rising. Something was off. He placed his head on the counter above the drawer.
"Peso?" A voice called from the doorway. He jolted upwards and turned around.
"Kwazii?"

Kwazii lingered in the doorway, rubbing his eyes and fighting against sleep. "What are you doing up at this hour?" he asked.
Peso was as confused as ever. "You were in my pod an hour ago..." he mumbled, turning back around to search in the drawer.
"Yeah, an hour ago. What are you doing?"
"Nothing. Why do you want to know?" Peso spat. Kwazii walked over and tried to get a better look at his face.
"Are you mad? Mad at me? Mad at something-"
"I'm fine, Kwazii," Peso whisper-shouted, whipping his body around.

Kwazii moved back, but he wasn't taking that for an answer. "I'm not leaving until you tell me the truth." Peso slammed the fork he was holding onto the counter top.
"If you'd leave me alone, I could do what I have to do."
"What are you going to do, stab yourself in the liver with that thing?" Kwazii snapped. Peso reeled back, shocked.
"God, maybe I could because no one checks on me! But the second someone does, everyone else does. It's like a chain reaction-" he rambled on. Peso was overexaggerating all of his actions, flailing his hands in the air. Before he could throw his hands up into the air, Kwazii grabbed Peso's hand, or technically the one closest to him. They both froze with silence ringing throughout the room, the both of them panting.
"Do you control me or something?" Peso asked, trying to bring his other hand forward, but Kwazii grabbed that arm by the wrist like he did with the other. This was it. Peso tried to wriggle himself out of Kwazii's grasp, but he couldn't. He eventually let his body surrender. "What is your problem?" he spat. Kwazii pinned his wrists to the table, trying to restrain him.
"I just want you to know that if I could, I'd check in on you every day, but that would get annoying," he said. Peso couldn't stand to look up at him.
"But there's obviously something wrong. What is it?" Kwazii added.

Peso looked up, and all he could think of was his brother. Kwazii's eyes reminded Peso of him. He really missed his family, and Kwazii just realized it.
"Is it me? Did I do something? You can tell me," he said, trying to get Peso to look him in the eyes. Once he did, all Peso did was sob.
"I'm tired of taking care of everyone else and then I forget how to take care of myself," he choked out. Kwazii let go of his wrists and backed away. Give him some space to breathe, Kwazii thought. But he ignored those thoughts, and brought Peso in for a hug.
"Hey, you've got this," he whispered. Peso grabbed onto the back of Kwazii's shirt.
"No I don't! I know how to take care of myself, but whenever I try to, I fail," he cried.

Now this was it. Kwazii was officially at the end of his rope. "Hey, look at me," he demanded, crouching down to catch Peso's attention. "Let's make a promise, all right?" he suggested.
"What promise?" Peso choked out.
"I'll help you out with anything like this. You can talk to me and we can work things out," Kwazii added. All Peso did was shake his head violently.
"No, no, you don't get it. You don't get it!" he shouted, plugging his ears. Kwazii held his hands up, trying to keep everything somewhat quiet.
"Woah, calm down, matey."
"No! You just don't get it," he spat. Kwazii was just trying to reason with him, but that wasn't working. He tried another option: talking things out. Like he planned.
"What do I not get? Can you tell me about it?" Peso inhaled slowly before looking up fully.
"I'll try, but it's not easy to put it into words," he started.

"I always looked up to my mother. My older brother used to sort of bully me for that, but that was all jokes. I didn't mind it, though," Peso rambled, "My mother was always so caring. She helped everyone, and I think that's what inspired me to try and take on the roll of becoming a medic. But in my eyes, she never failed. And I did," he spat.
"Was your mother a medic, Peso?" Kwazii asked, curiosity taking over.
"No, but I guess I just found something even bigger than what I wanted to be. So I set higher expectations for myself," he added.
"Peso, that's the problem. You grew up with average expectations, yet you set higher ones for yourself. You weren't used to those, so you had to grow into them," Kwazii said.
"I don't want to believe that, but now that you mention it, maybe you're right," he muttered. Things went silent. "About that promise, what was it about?" Peso added.
"Oh, nothing. I just don't want you feeling like that," Kwazii muttered.
"Thanks?"
"No problem." The two stared at each other.
"All right, well. I'm going back to bed. You probably should, too," Kwazii added, rubbing his eyes again.
"And what if I don't?"
"Then I'll force you to." Peso pretended to be offended.
"Mhm, that's not nice," he joked.

Maybe it was just him, but Kwazii reminded Peso so much of Pinto. So much, it was unbearable at times. And as Peso threw his head back into his pillow, he thought of what he was going to say tomorrow when he was going to ask if they could see him again. Going back to the Antarctic. That would be fun. The crew was so fond of Peso's family, and he adored that. "They'd understand, wouldn't they?" he asked, the question echoing through the room. They would understand, he knew it.

Words: 1725 Words
ugh when will they date
oh wait i already know lol
they won't /j