Nightmares To Daydreams

Chapter Thirty-Five

   You woke before your alarm and disentangled yourself from Spencer's arms and made your way lazily to the bathroom. You decided to take a quick shower before Spencer woke up. While you sat waiting for the water to heat up today's assignment hit you in full force and your stomach dropped through the floor.

Your hands trembled violently as you stripped out of your clothes, making it take longer than usual. As the hot water crashed over your trembling body you allowed the waves of fear to crash over your mind and soul. It was almost impossible to breathe due to  the havoc the fear was wreaking on you. The shaking of your body made showering challenging but you forced yourself to scrub the various soaps across your body. If it had just been you on this assignment you wouldn't have been much more than slightly worried, but this was bigger. You'd done plenty of solo missions, each more dangerous than the last without batting an eye but Spencer was the singlemost important thing in your life and the mere thought of Keneddy being anywhere near him made your chest ache as if an elephant had trampled your heart.

   The crushing fear hadn't retreated when your shower came to a close, but looking in the mirror you forced yourself to lock it down. Unrestrained fear could quickly become blind panic and that would only get you and Spencer killed. You needed to focus on the task at hand and hope that Spencer did as well. Just as you pulled on the pair of boot cut jeans, that were definitely not your style, you heard Spencer's alarm ring in the other room.

   The old flannel you had kept from your teen years to be a pajama shirt made up the top half of your outfit. And you hated it, you looked like everything you ran away from the second you graduated. Just as you walked out of the bathroom Spencer walked in, knocking you both haphazardly to the floor. His curly hair was thrown about and his expression still bore the remnants of sleep. You made eye contact with his startled hazel eyes and immediately you both burst into laughter.

The laughter worked to calm your nerves and you smiled at Spencer as he stood above you, extending a hand. You took it and he pulled you to your feet and into a tight hug, he simply held you for a few moments before tilting your head back and placing a meaningful kiss to your forehead. The kiss betrayed his own trepidation, but he seemed to be handling it much better than you were. "Time to turn you from pretty boy to country boy," he laughed at your scowl, "those aren't mutually exclusive love." You smiled slightly before nodding in agreeance, "only for you."

   You now stood defensively in front of Spencer in the police office. He was wearing a pair of Matt's workboots, his own old jeans, and a simple olive green tee he had borrowed from Morgan. Hotch came into the room and made eye contact with both of you, he hated this almost as much as you did. Undercover missions were one of the only times Hotch looked geniunely worried, and it only added to your anxiousness.

   The team gave you and Spencer a moment of privacy just before the barbecue was to begin. Spencer stepped towards you, eyes intent and serious. He lightly cupped your face with both hands and crashed his lips to yours. His lips were soft and his kiss betrayed the true depth of his worry. As your lips moved in perfect synchronicity you couldn't help but think that this might be the last time you would ever see him. Your body bowed to his and you kissed him back as deeply as you could, hoping to convey just how much you loved him. When he withdrew he rested his forehead on yours, "you make it out of this alive. I don't care what happens to me. You. Make. It. Out." You smiled sadly at his words, "we'll make it out together. I love you Spencer." You couldn't help but feel like you had just said goodbye to him.

   People were already piling into the fire station as you bid the team goodbye. You and Spencer both had mics nestled in your hair and undetectable earpieces. He gripped your hand and you both pretended not to notice the other's shaking. Walking into the fire station you heard Hotch giving the team other orders. You and Spencer made your way through the crowd, mingling with people you used to know.