Nightmares To Daydreams

Chapter Thirty-Eight

You woke up to the sound of the front door slamming. You attempted to stand and yelped at the blinding pain that shot through your body. Sleeping against the door was definitely not the best idea, but you still didn't feel like you belonged in the bed. You made your way out to the living room, hoping to find Spencer smiling or maybe reading, anything normal. You wandered the whole apartment before concluding that he had left. Your car was still in the bureau parking lot but it was only a twenty minute walk to your place and you needed to be somewhere that felt like home.

When considering the time for the walk, you had failed to take the boot and your injuries into account. All totaled it took you just under an hour to get to your apartment. The feeling of displacement wasn't at all alleviated by the familiar walls of your apartment, and it hit you suddenly that Spencer had become home. Without him you felt empty and broken.

   You moved through the house to the bathroom without much awareness as to what you were doing, you were hollow. You took off the boot and laid it on the sink counter before sitting on the toilet lid to unwrapp your ankle. As you turned on the shower your mind was vacant of any thoughts, it was as if you were on cruise control, simply doing whatever a normal person might be doing at the moment. Stepping out of the shower on your good foot, you slipped and crashed to the floor. Despite the pain wracking through your body, you stayed silent. You lay naked on the cold floor and couldn't find the energy to get back up.

Your eyes opened to the dim twilight that comes when extremely late meets extremely early. Somehow, you summoned the energy to pick yourself up off the floor. You rewrapped your ankle and slipped the boot back into place. Then, you walked towards your bedroom. As you rustled through your drawers your ring caught on something and pulled it to the surface, effectively destroying your drawers. Upon further examination you realized it was Spencer's fbi hoodie, everyone had gotten one at the last training seminar, he never wore hoodies so he had slipped it into your laundry when you weren't looking. You pulled it over your head and almost broke down when his familiar scent washed over you. For the first time in weeks, it felt like home. You pulled on the first pair of pajama bottoms your hands touched and crawled under your covers.

You stared at the sheets under your head as the sun came up and until it went down again. Finally, sleep came to you and you disappeared into the land of the unconscious.

"I don't love you. You didn't actually believe that I did, did you?" Spencer's voice was thick with mockery as he towered over you with a vicious smile on his lips. "But. You. You proposed?" Your lips quivered as you stared at him in heartbroken confusion. You winced at the laugh that erupted from his throat.

"You claim to be a profiler, yet you couldn't even see through my feeble attempts at pretending to care about someone like you? How pathetic," the disgust in his voice clawed at your heart, "no wonder Alexis died on your watch." You reeled from his words as if he had slapped you, but he didn't stop. "Clearly you need it to be spelled out for you. I only needed one thing from you. That pretty little body of yours. But I've grown tired of it, and especially you."

You couldn't believe this was happening. The love of your life had used your for your body? Your mind flooded to all your college partners, each of them only wanting the same thing. "Are you serious?" Despite the wreckage you were feeling inside, your voice was calm. His smile faltered and you took a step towards him, "are you serious? Is that all you wanted from me?" Your words shook again, but this time with anger. He didn't speak, only nodded. "Then get out."

Your eyes flashed open and you gasped as you stared around your room, lit with early morning light. Your dream had brought you a new kind of determination, you would not sit around wallowing, waiting for Spencer to get the fuck over himself. You would march into his apartment in the best fucking outfit you could find and work this out with him. Even if this was the end, he'd have to watch you walk out the door.