Nightmares To Daydreams

Chapter Fifty-Six

"Guys, really I'm okay this is ridiculous" Hotch, Spencer, Morgan, Emily, and Garcia were hardly letting you do anything for yourself. Your go-bag was slung over Derek's shoulder while Spencer and Hotch helped you walk. You'd made quite a fuss about Hotch needing his own rest but he had refused your protest.

They walked you from the hotel to the jet. It was mortifying having one man constantly holding you up as the other helped you get through airport security. The scar taking up half of your face certainly didn't help, you were extremely grateful that your shirt covered the gauze on your chest. You tried to walk up the stairs to the jet yourself but your head pounded too heavily and Spencer and Hotch had to help you after all. Luckily, the rest of the team had gone first so no one was able to watch the spectacle you'd made of yourself.

Your body felt stiff from the sitting. Finally, everyone but you, Hotch, and Rossi had fallen asleep. You adored the team but you hadn't had more than five minutes to yourself since being rescued. It made you feel like a spectacle, especially with everyone trying to avoid looking at the two new scars that adorned your body.

No one was checking on Hotch the way they were hounding you. It only added to the guilt pounding in your chest. Carefully, you removed Spencer's head from your lap. You brushed his soft curls out of his face, pausing momentarily to study his features. Your eyebrows knit at the marks stress had carved into his face over the past week. Poor boy needed a break.

You finally broke from Spencer and walked to join Hotch. Hotch was already on his feet, making sure you were steady. You wobbled slightly and watched as his hands twitched towards you. He let you sit down before sinking into the pleather seat across from you. An awkward silence hung in the air as he studied you. Unlike the rest of the team, Hotch wasn't afraid to study the gauze that kept the gashes hidden from view. "Are you worried about the scarring?"

His question had nerves chittering in your chest, making it hard to breathe. This wasn't what you'd come over here to discuss. "I just wanted to check on you. Everyone seems to have forgotten you were held hostage too," your eyes became glued to the floor, "and I wanted to apologize for that. I am so so grateful you got me, but I wish you hadn't had to get hurt to do it." You were rambling, playing awkwardly with your fingers as you spoke. Hotch's hands cupped your own. He waited until you made eye contact with him before he spoke. "Y/N, I would do it all a million times over to bring you home. I'm glad I was the one to keep you relatively safe," he paused, cleared his throat, and blinked back what seemed to be tears, "I just wish I'd been able to do more than standby while you were mutilated."

You were in the comfort of Spencer's apartment when suddenly your work phone buzzed from the table by the door. Your eyebrows knit in confusion. You weren't due back to work for another week. Unfortunately, Spencer hadn't been able to take off with you, so your recovery consisted of a lot of popcorn and shitty Netflix shows. The phone buzzed again, jerking you out of your stupor.

You approached the buzzing phone, expecting a message from Garcia. Instead, Hotch's name lit up your screen.

"Can you come in tomorrow? I need to talk to you."

"Sure. Am I in trouble?"

"No."

Despite Hotch's assurance, your heart raced in your chest. It felt as though you were being called to the principal's office.

You'd decided to work on dinner to distract yourself from this impromptu meeting with Hotch. You served yourself and sat at the table, golden light streamed in from the window opposite the table as the sun set. Just before you could take your first bite, your phone lit up with an incoming call from Spencer. "Hey Spence, how's the case?" His tired voice came through the phone, "Hello love, it's been rough. Nowhere near as rough as the last one obviously," a thick silence hung in the air as he realized his mistake. He cleared his throat before continuing, "we've got a few leads to follow up on, and the profile is almost ready, but it's just not the same without you. How is the healing process?" Your conversation continued easily. You allowed him to ramble and took advantage of the time to eat as he spoke. You considered telling him about the meeting with Hotch. For some reason, you felt like you shouldn't. Hotch hadn't specified not to, and it felt wrong to keep things from Spencer, but your gut was telling you to keep it quiet. At least for now.