The flame of desire (girlxgirl) ✔︎

The desire that i've finally accepted ➪𝟸𝟽

Jo likes Sophie.

For fuck sake!

I want to support her. I really do! But that Sophie girl...

I let out a loud sigh, "So you like her?" I asked, hopeful that's they'd correct me and say something like "no I just think she's cute". Sadly, that was not the case.

"Yeah I like her. I think?" Jo answered nonchalantly.

"I didn't even know that you guys knew each other," I mentioned.

"You don't even know most of my friends, Iris." Jo pointed out.

Of course I know her friends! There's me, Dylan ...Me!

"Jo, you deserve better than that sly bitch," I criticised, "how do you even know her anyways?"
Jo furrowed their eyebrows, looking somewhat pissed off and then relaxed their face after taking a deep breath.

"First of all, she's not a bitch. She just doesn't like you. Second of all, I've known her since year 7. She's in my form class." What's with that attitude?

"Okay but why do you have to say it like that?"

"Say it like what?"

"You're saying it like I'm the problem here!" My voice was louder than I'd originally intended, I didn't know what I was feeling. All I knew was that I didn't like it.

Jo rolled her eyes and walked over to her mini fridge which was set at the corner of her room. Taking out a bottle of water and untwisting the lid she spoke her mind, "I'm not saying that you are the problem. What I'm saying is that you never give anyone else a chance."

Clenching my fists extremely tight to hold in my frustration and vexation I defended myself, "So you can hate Roselina for no reason at all but I can't hate Sophie who has been nothing but unfair to me?" My voice had become thicker, tears were swelling up in my eyes.

Jo was supposed to be on my side.

"Am I..." I struggled to find the words to say, the emotions and thoughts spiralled around my mind like an everlasting loop, I couldn't think straight. "Am I..." a lump formed at the back of my throat, making it difficult to push the sentence out, "am I losing you?" It was a soft whisper, I wasn't sure that Jo had even heard me but all I knew was that I was at the brink of tears.

Jo's face softened, I turned away from her and placed my head on hands, pressing my palms into my eyes to stop myself from crying.

Without a warning, I found myself engulfed into a warm hug. Bewildered, I rose my head only to find myself in Jo's embrace.

"You'll never lose me Iris," Jo whispered gently into my ear, "but I wish you'd be more open with others. You are right, I was being hypocritical. I don't like Roselina because I'm jealous."

My eyes widened in shock and confusion, "I thought you said you didn't like me!" I exclaimed.

"I don't! Ew!" Jo argued.

"Ew? Did you just say "ew"?" I double checked, clearly offended and taken aback by her rudeness.

"What I meant is that even though we hadn't seen each other in 2 months, all you could talk about was her. All I heard was "Lina this and Lina that", and then you'd do unexpected things out of nowhere without ever asking for my advice. I just wanted to be there for you, like you were for me."

Was it it guilt that I was feeling? Relief? Regret? It wasn't a bad feeling or a good one. It was odd.

"I'm sorry," I apologised, "it was such a confusing time for me and it still kind of is. Everything was happening in rapid paces and then it would slow down, I could finally breath but I wasn't sure that I wanted to. I had so many questions like why her, why a her. I wanted to push down these feelings and temptations, convince myself that I was confusing my emotions. I would tell myself that my heart skipped a beat because I hated her but in reality it was because I was attracted to her. It was because I liked her. I replaced all these inexplainable emotions with familiar ones , I denied Lina and was cruel to her. It was denial. Complete and utter denial. And I... I'm still denying it in one way or another. Because I'm too scared to admit it, admit that I... I'm a bisexual who's in love with a girl."

It was only when the room fell silent that I realised that I could hear a sob, someone struggling to breath.

And it was only when I saw the tears drop onto my jeans that I realised that the persons who was sobbing was me.

This was it. There was no "probably" or "maybe". Their was no resentment towards myself or Lina anymore. There was no confusion or distaste. No more internalised hatred.

I was ready to accept it.

Ready to accept that I, Iris Ignis am a bisexual.

"Iris, I'm so proud of you." Jo whispered with tears streaming down her face and a kind smile that told me that she was there for me, "I'm so proud of you." She reaffirmed.

She's proud.

Proud.

What a word.

Why does this word, make me want to both cry and sing?

With tears streaming down my face, I plastered a wide smile on my drowning face and let out a short giggle.

"I'm proud of me too," I agreed, hugging Jo so tightly I'm surprised they could even breath.

Now that I can accept this part of myself, I think it's time to put in the effort. I can be better. I will be better. Whether it's for me or someone else.

No.

If it's going to be for anyone...

It's going to be for me.

"Jo, I'm going to change." I muffled into her shoulder. Running her fingers through my wavy hair with such tender affection, Jo kissed the crown of my head whispered sweetly into my ear,
"And I'll help you."
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AUTHORS NOTE: so after my long break I came back to nearly 2k reads. Thank you all for reading and be sure to vote but I also wanted to say this:
I felt really insecure whilst writing this book and contemplated deleting it. It's my first book that I've ever written and since I'm 15 I'm obviously lacking in some areas however, I've decided to continue this book. After this book I will be publishing another book called about Dylan and Elijah (the boy in the break up chapter). It will definitely be better than this one since I've gained more experience over time however, I know many of you won't read it since it's not gxg which is completely fine!

Thank you sm for reading, I love every single one of you.