My Lie, Your Ring, This Rose| Kamukoma

🥀 Chapter 52 🥀

Cacophony or melody? Cacophony. The strings play once, twice and even thrice. Each string vibrating rapidly while producing a sound. The strings are the heart of such an instrument. It was that slim white object that made the instrument fulfil its roll as the object it was designed to be. Without the strings, it would just be a block of wood that has no purpose at all. Specific instruments have specific parts that help it produce sound. Once that instrument has been made up to perfection, it is up to the one with the instrument to play it. Majority of instruments cannot be played roughly for they will shatter and break. This was mainly because even though the instrument may be loud and powerful, it is still a mere object that is vulnerable. It needs to be played with care and etiquette. For if it is not, it will snap and break. Regarding to the sound of the instrument, it also depends on the one playing it. If someone is mad, they play it harshly which then makes an angry sound. If someone is upset, they play it slowly to force their feelings into the instrument. If someone is happy, the music is energetic. If someone is panicking, they may not even be able to play the instrument at all. It depends on the emotion. An orchestra must all be on their best behaviour in order to play their instruments with such bliss. However, if they are all confused about the song that they are performing, it becomes chaos. The violin is off tune and the piano sounds like a mess. The cello in the background is too slow and the flutes are trying to keep up with everyone else. It becomes havoc. Melody. If everyone knows what they are doing and how to play their instruments, all is fine. The violin sweeps in at the right time and the piano twinkles. The cello's music notes fly diagonally across the room and the flute's high pitched notes touch the ceiling. The orchestra made everything fit into place, like a puzzle. Each instrument, one after the other, to create a song that was inspiring. It all fit together so nicely. One should know that life will work like that, too. Even if it gets hard, everything will fall into place. It just can sometimes take drastically long. A promise was a promise. One doesn't break promises and instead they value them. They believe them with all of their heart and make sure that they don't break them. Breaking a promise with someone, especially when you had established a bond with them, would be torturing on both sides. What the worst thing was that this promise was broken before it was made. A twitch of guilt flooded my thoughts as I looked down once again and kept my eyes on the ground. This was awful. Purely unpleasant and almost disgusting. A promise that had already shattered before it could have been built. I told a single lie and I did feel guilty when I first came to the palace, but the guilt faded after a while. I felt as if this was where I belonged and that I had made the right choice. I shook my head. Choices have nothing to do with this. Honestly, I do think that coming here was one of the best options I had chosen. On Earth, I didn't do anything and now I have the chance to actually do something for myself. I wouldn't change my choices for the world. Yet, the guilt seemed to travel up my veins and into my bloodstream. It seeped from cell to cell and into my thoughts when he made that promise. The tanginess of sorrow that I had lied to someone who clearly trusted me made me feel sickly. More importantly, to lie to someone I love made me feel even more sick. This lie had started from the beginning and maybe if I just told him earlier on that I was an angel I wouldn't feel this way. I wouldn't feel betrayed by myself, which was an unusual feeling that I had never felt. To feel as if I had been deceived by my own self. I felt as if the guilt was a part of me and that I couldn't escape it. My hands fumbled, shaking slightly as I tried to pick up another wire without dropping it. The way he devoted that promise felt surreal. The way he spoke was so soft and his words felt melodic to my ears. His words were specified for me and me only and it made me feel giddy and joyous. Truthfully, he really did for a second make it seem that it was only him and I in the room. I didn't think twice before saying I promise right back to him. I swallowed an invisible lump in my throat. I'm an angel and I can never forget where I came from. Dyeing my wings didn't change the fact that I was only pretending to be a demon. That I was lying to everyone. I clenched my fist and felt like crying. I put the wire down on the table and the heaviness of such feelings sunk in. The moment felt so nice, but the aftermath of the situation felt dreadful. I love Izuru but I can't lie to him, not anymore. I couldn't do it. The reason that I was lying was because I love him. I had loved him the first time I set eyes on him. To protect someone you love from knowing the truth about you. In order to do that, you had to lie. In the end though, I am doing a bad thing. Despite doing this for him, it was also hurting him as every day went by without me telling him the truth. It was too much and I know that it would hurt him so much as well, but there was nothing I can do about that. I bit my tongue. It will hurt him that I'm lying. It will hurt us that I'm lying. It hurts me more though that I'm lying to someone I love.
"Izuru I have to tell you something," I started and turned to him. He turned to the side and raised an eyebrow. He had been fumbling with our communicator, trying to see how his mother had built it. Some of the wires had finally been joined together and the device actually had a shape now. He put the device down on the table- which was no longer messy as he had cleaned it up- and folded his arms.
"Yes, Nagito? You seem slightly," he paused before looking to the side, choosing his words carefully. "Distressed. What is wrong?"
Izuru now looked confused. He was not wrong there though with his analysis. Though, I don't remember one time when Izuru was wrong. I was clearly distressed. I was walking on the tightrope of hurt and love. I don't know his reaction if I tell him and for some reason I don't want to know. The thought of him thinking lowly of me. Worse yet, the thought of him just disregarding me from his life as if I was never there is abnormally upsetting to me. I don't think that Izuru is like that but there was always a slim chance that this situation would happen. A chance that I would be turned into a red lost soul and I would never see Izuru again. After all if I look at this in perspective, before I came into Izuru's life Hell had been everything for him. It was always his realm and him. Hell was the most important thing for him and I don't know if I surpass that.
"Nagito?" Izuru questioned once again, directing his attention away from me and to the device. I looked back at the table realising that I took too long to say anything. Izuru pulled out a yellow wire and swapped it with a blue one. I gulped. To tell him or to not tell him. I don't know what to do. What should I do? There was nothing to do but to tell him and get this guilt over with. I stopped my words from coming out. I would be hurting him though. I would feel relieved that I'm not lying but I would be hurting him. I can't hurt him. I can't do this. I can't hurt him. I can't. I felt my hands shaking even more as I felt myself getting a headache. One of those headaches that linger longer than necessary just for the fun of it. My vision became slightly hazy as I put a hand on my forehead. The last thing I want to do is to hurt him and that's still the same. I let out a shaky sigh.
"Don't worry about it," I mumbled and then picked up a microchip. I forced a smile and held it up. "Let's just finish this device."