Diamond in the Making

7. Forget to Civilize

There comes a time in your life when you feel like the world is crumbling beneath your feet and you can't do anything to stop it. You either have to hold on for as long as you can or let yourself fall.

I'm not ready to fall. Although I feel like it's the end, I still have some fight left in me. I've worked too hard to let it all slip through my hands. But holding on would mean pushing everything aside, at least for now. I'm not ready to face my problems, I won't even accept the situation.

The only thing that could help me get through tonight would be to forget. I was feeling more sober by the minute and I couldn't let my clear mind wander to the endless possibilities of how this would go, how Daphne would yet again ruin my life.

I knew that one thing could help me forget what I needed to, that being alcohol. It's not something I always turn to in a time of need but right now it's the easy way out and I couldn't handle the hard way.

I was completely flustered, I pushed my hair back out of my face, behind my shoulders taking a deep breath in an attempt to regain my composure. Unconsciously I put one foot in front of the other and brought myself to the bar.

After a few drinks I felt my mind slipping away, it's a good thing because I needed to feel this way. As bad as it seems, I had to run from my problems. I just wasn't ready to face them, I know I won't be able to handle it.

When Sienna showed up, I was approaching the drunk stage. I wouldn't say I was feeling excited or frisky, I was just comfortablely calm and relaxed. The drinks just kept getting poured and I wasn't complaining.

Feeling the beat, I decided to get up and dance a bit. Swinging myself off the bar stool and barely landing on my feet, I almost fell over, that is until I collided with a hard chest. Looking up to apologize, I was met with the blue eyes that brought me to this bar in the first place. I had totally forgotten about Nate until now.

I took my time to check him out through my glazed eyes. He looked so casual, I've never seen him like this before and it's hot. He's wearing a white tee shirt and black jeans. The short sleeves reveal a trail of tattoos which I so desperately want to follow.

He grabbed my shoulders and steaded me on my feet, knocking me out of my trance. I just looked up and got lost in his eyes, falling back into the trance that only he puts me in. The club seemed to quiet down and it was just me and him, well that's how it seems but the party is still going on.

Nate leaned closer to me, lips almost touching my ear asking "are you alright?" I was too consumed with lust to even understand what he asked. When he came that close my stomach was doing summersaults. I decided to avoid his question, I didn't really have an answer and I didn't want to think about anything.

Grabbing his arm and wobbling on my heels, I pulled him towards the bar. "Do you want a drink?" I asked.

He looked at the bartender and shook his head, then he looked down at me saying "maybe we should get you home."

"But you just got here, come on one drink," I protested with a pouting face.

His eyes looked conflicted, like he wanted to help me but I knew he couldn't really help me with any of my real problems. "Ok but not here," he said, he obviously wasn't being any fun. I could tell he wasn't gonna drink with me.

Nate brought me to his car which was a nice black Mercedes. He drove in silence as I rested my head on the window, almost falling asleep. I've basically let my guard down with him. I somehow already trust him. Pulling up at his familiar house, he opened the door for me like a gentleman. Stepping into the living room, I saw a table with a big crystal bottle filled with bourbon or whiskey or something, at this point I didn't really care what it was. I quickly made my way over to get Nate and myself a glass suddenly feeling alive again. Nate just stood there watching me intently. I probably seem like I have a couple screws missing but I couldn't care less right now.

I brought both of the crystal glasses over to the couch and sat down waiting for him to join. He slowly made his way over to me while he muttered something under his breath. I could really hear what he said nor did I care at the moment.

"Do you have a cigarette?" I asked as I batted my lashes promiscuously at him.

His eyes looked as if he was fighting a battle, disagreeing with his thoughts. "Not for you," he stated as he pulled one out of his pocket and lit it.

"Seriously?" I asked annoyed as I tried to take it from his hands. Inhaling the smoke just made me want more. "Would you let me have one if I did something for you?" I asked suggestively as I placed my hand on his thigh.

He took a sharp breath, again disagreeing with his thoughts. "No," he said firmly.

I admire his willpower and his gentlemanly behaviour but I wanted to see what would push him over the edge.

I chugged back the remaining brown liquid in my glass letting it burn my throat. This gave me the confidence I needed. I leaned down and slipped my heels off then got up off the couch, with my back turned to Nate as he sat there curiously smoking his cigarette. I moved farther away to give him a better view, I attempted to remove my dress as I purposely got caught on the zipper.

Looking over my shoulder, I asked Nate seductively  "can you give me a hand?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said after he cleared his throat. "Do you want me to drive you home?" he asked.

"No, I'd rather stay with you," I said as I started walking back closer to the couch.

He abruptly stood up saying "I have some work to do but you're welcome to stay in a room down the hall," as he pointed in the direction.

Who would be working at this time, I thought. It's probably just a nice way to tell me to back off. Sighing and calling the quits to my playfulness, I headed down the hall and into one of the rooms.

When I came out of the ensuite, there was a black men's tee shirt layed on the bed. It's definitely Nate's, it smells like his. He was more than likely scared to give it to me himself.

I guess I fuck everything up. I feel like an idiot. My life is in shambles and I messed it up with Nate. He seems like such a good guy and even though I feel rejected, he still treated me right, as a man should. Now I'll just have to move on because I'm sure he doesn't want to be with my crazy ass. But I'm not sure if there is anyone else out there for me.