Diamond in the Making

27. Demoralize

For me, my birthday is a day I dread for many reasons. The last time I celebrated my birthday I was turning 14. After that I had no one. So, like everyday that brings you closer to death, it didn't matter to me.

My parents used to throw me the best parties, the kind that kids would rave about at school. The day was filled with love and affection. I felt how proud they were of me each day but on my birthday it's like the realization set in and they would notice that their 'little girl' isn't so little any more. I always brushed it off as embarrassing but it's those moments that I wish I treasured more. If I could say anything to 14 year old me it would be to hug and show my parents some love more often because nothing lasts forever.

They always had such high hopes for me and I always wonder if I've made them proud. I remember the gleaming look in their eyes that showed me how much they loved me.

I didn't want to tarnish a day which once held some of my best childhood memories so instead I tried to forget that it ever existed.

Is it wrong that now that I feel love with Nate, I want to bring more joy to this day? In a strange way, I feel like having this thought means turning my back on my parents.

I think of my parents all the time but I don't talk to them because I fear what they would think of their once innocent daughter. Have I disgraced them or have I made them proud even after all the wrong I've done? Talking to them in person would be much different and I can't trust what my mind would manipulate my parents words to be. I want to believe they love me no matter what and I don't want to risk replacing this thought.

The unfortunate day, which once held laughter and fun, has arrived. Not many people know of this day and if they do they were never told from me. I didn't want the attention, I didn't want to overlook what once occurred on this day. In the past, I have kept this day sacred and let myself relish in the memories and the grief I have. It was like one day where I can mope around, look at old photos and cry when I hear my mother's laugh ring through my ears and see my father's bright smile even when it's not real.

It's been about a week since Nate was shot. I felt like now I could finally breathe knowing that he was actually okay. I've spent every day with him. He was adamant at first about working but I wouldn't let him. Call me controlling, but I didn't want him to put himself in danger again. I know it will have to get back to normal but I just want to enjoy this while I can.

I woke up to Nate kissing my bare shoulder. He was a sight for sore eyes. One look at him and I would melt.

"Good morning," he said through a raspy morning voice that had my stomach doing somersaults.

"Do you want to shower with me?" I asked suggestively.

He groaned in frustration. "Fuck, that's a tempting offer but I have to go meet Roman we have some business to handle." Sensing my weariness he continued "nothing bad, I'm not even leaving the house." This made me smile in contentment.

"Since you're working, I guess I should too," I sighed in defeat. I absolutely love my job but when you've been living in a beautiful dream, it's hard to go back to reality.

"I'll have Theo go with you," I don't mind his company, he's been a great friend to me and it makes me feel better having him there since I know someone, most likely Brad, has been following me.

Nate got dressed quickly throwing on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt as I watched him just enjoying the view. He gave me a quick peck on the lips before he went to work.

I took my shower giving myself some time for reflection. Now was my time to grieve because for once I actually wanted to enjoy this day.

When I refused to leave Nate alone after everything that happened, I made Roman go bring half of my closet over here. He owed me for not telling me about everything sooner. I'll try and use that excuse for as long as I can.

I got dressed in a white blouse that I tucked it into my short black skirt. I grabbed the first pair of heels I found and then my bag which I made sure matched. I'm not wearing much colour today so I hope my emerald necklace is enough.

Theo drove me to my store after we stopped for breakfast at a fast food place. I felt like I was a kid playing hooky but I wasn't complaining.

We had fun throughout the day. I got a lot of work done as Theo sat on his phone and we would occasionally talk and joke making the day go by faster.

Nate sent me text messages throughout the day with his naughtiness which made me want to be with him even more.

I was packing up my things in my office, waiting for Theo to pull the car around, when there was a soft knock in my open doorway and I was greeted by a handsome blue eyed man. His arm rested casually on the doorframe making him appear larger than he actually is.

"Hey gorgeous," Nate said with his signature smirk and I knew he was up to no good. The look in his eyes and those flirty messages gave away his intentions.

He came over and claimed my lips as his hands ran down my back and to my skirt where he gave my ass a squeeze.

"I missed you," he breathed out against my lips. "Let's get you home," I nodded eagerly.

Nate and I were like giddy teenagers who couldn't get enough while his driver drove us. We toyed with each other's clothes as the distance to my apartment began to get smaller.

His hand hiked up my skirt feeling the lace panties I was wearing as my breathing hitched. The car didn't even come to a complete stop before he opened the door and held his hand out for mine. I tried to fix my wild hair before I took his hand and walked inside.

The elevator ride was quiet. We didn't speak, we only held hands because once we started there would be no end and I didn't find it appropriate to do something so intimate in an elevator. Although we did have sex in my office so I guess this wouldn't be that bad. The anticipation was hitting me hard as I looked up at the floor number and the doors opened.

Down the hall and to my apartment, the door was wide open. Ah fuck not again.

Nate pushed me behind him as he pulled his gun out. Straight ahead of us was my dining room table. A red bag sat on it and I knew exactly what was going on.

Every year that we were together Brad bought me a Cartier love bracelet for my birthday. I don't know how he found out it was ever my birthday, I thought maybe it was from some very old Facebook pictures but who really knows. Anyways when we broke up, I threw them in his face.

His back faced us as he sat on my couch. "I didn't expect you to have company," he said with pure anger. "I just wanted to drop off your birthday gift."

Nate looked over at me displaying a hurt expression that broke my heart. This feels like the universe, or maybe just Brad, cursing me because I was finally happy on my birthday.

I did not want it to turn out like this.