Crippled Hearts ~ Namjin

Misery

Namjoon's POV

*14 Years Ago, *

Shut the fuck up! I slave away all day long to earn this money if I want to spend it on drinks, I will! Mind your own fucking business.

Are you the only one who earns in this house! I work as much as you and I also have to look after those pesky boys, what do I look like to you huh?? An unpaid slave that you married for sexual pleasure and for household chores! I am fucking done with you if it wasn't for those two sons of ours, I would have walked out of the house this minute.

I could hear the constant quarreling of my parents down the hall as I sat in my room with a four-year-old tae in my arms, with my headphones on to keep all the harsh words away from his innocent ears as I gently rocked him to sleep. Is this what a normal family looked like? I have watched my parents quarrel over and over for years, hurling profanities to each other, blaming tae and me to be the reason they are tied up in a loveless marriage. I sometimes wonder why did they even get married in the first place if all they ever did was hate each other and fight constantly.

A dysfunctional family that's what we all were, a family that put on a façade of a loving one in front of the world but behind these concrete walls was a reality that nobody ever witnessed. I had been accustomed to looking after myself since I turned 6. In spite of my mother claiming that her life is getting ruined because of us, the "pesky boys" she never really cared for me, at times she would beat me black and blue if I asked for basic necessities, curse at me for burdening her and my dad, blame me for ruining her life. My father was no good either despite having a decent job he spent all his money on drinking and would indulge in drunken quarrels with whomsoever he came across, it was no different at home as my parents blamed each other 24/7 for ruining the other's life and how they wished I wasn't there to keep them tied up. When I was 8 my mom gave birth to taehyung and I instantly took it upon myself to protect him, I had a little hope in me that with the arrival of tae my parent's relationship would change that tae would never have to face the trauma I did but it has been 4 years and nothing changed.

I looked down at the innocent sleeping face of my baby brother and a lone tear slipped from my eyes, he did not deserve this, he deserved to be brought up in a warm and loving environment. I hated being so vulnerable all I wanted was to grow up and earn for myself so that I can take us both away from this toxic environment, but nobody offered part-time jobs to a 12-year-old. My best friend Yoongi told me once I turn 16, I can get a job in some café, and then things will work out.

As soon as I turned 16 the first thing, I did was to look for a job and as if luck was on my side, I did get one of the cashiers at a café, the pay was not much but for me, it was more than I could ask for. Growing up in a house where I had to plead for a few wons just to get some basic necessities the part-time pay was a huge sum of money. I looked for a goshiwon and even though they were meant for one person I knew tae and I could adjust into them, our bedroom was practically a storeroom compared to that goshiwon were better.

With all that done I told my parents I was on my own and even decided to take tae with me and they were more than happy to let us go, that is what they wanted all their lives. Maybe it was all these hardships that made me a rapper, for I had never realized when I had started penning down my feelings.

Taehyung and I lived in that goshiwon for 4 years until one-day yoongi decided to introduce me to Bang PD who ran a music company, I discovered later that yoongi had managed to sneak away from my diary of lyrics and showed It to him who was so impressed by my work that he wanted to scout me in. I had never wondered life would take such a turn I had already decided I would not go to college because I needed to earn and send tae to one, he was such a talented designer, I knew it was his dream to join a fashion school but he would never bring it up because of our current situations. At that time, I had been working four jobs to save up for him and also meet our daily needs, when PD-nim offered me a job with a hefty salary and legal contract I couldn't turn it down. Music was my solace and if life wasn't the way it was, I definitely wanted to study in a music school but just like all other hopes that I had given up on this was the same. But guess fate had its own way of making our wishes come true, I accepted the job and things took a pretty turn from there, we moved into a much better apartment which the company offered and I could motivate tae to work for his dream because now I had all the means to get him into that fashion school he desired.