Brown Eyes | Loubbie

Chapter Fifteen

Sandra couldn't think of anything coherent as she walked out of the main house. She reasoned that a bottle of whiskey would cause her to think, calculate, and weigh things. This had happened before, but she was too afraid to admit it because she knew and had witnessed the outcome. She was there; she was the one who got everything. The agony, the cold nights of self-doubt, the insanity, the regrets, and the betrayal. It all seemed to come back to her, inch by inch, closer and closer to where her messed-up sanity was left hanging, near the end. She ran her hand deliberately on her face, things could have been easier if she did not bring herself back to before - it could have been easier if she learned the art of letting her go, letting her be vanished from her insides, but unfortunately, her heart was too stubborn, too unteachable. She could not dictate her heart and that was her biggest flaw.

She sat on the poolside lounger. The stars channeled a bright gleam in the night sky. Sandra looked up and saw a million dead lights in the sky, and she thought to herself how beautiful those dead things were. The night was peaceful as she lowered her gaze to the dark blue water in her pool. She'd seen her reflection many times before, but the woman staring back at her was unfamiliar. The eyes were red and puffy, and the nose was reddish. That lady was in tears. As she poured herself a glass of whiskey, she omitted a harsh tsk. As the pang of heat trudged down her throat, she closed her eyes. She required assistance. She had to get out of the dark hole she was in.

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕...

It was nearly dawn, Cate had promised to come home, but it was already past midnight. Sandra couldn't sleep at home. She hadn't slept alone since Cate had moved in. Her bed felt much larger, and her room felt strange, cold, and haunted without Cate. She took out her phone and unlocked it to see if she had received a message or a phone call, but she hadn't. Sandra was not the needy type of woman, but that night she felt a tinge of strangeness. Her heart seemed to be in the middle of a tribal dance, swirling around with its fast beats. So she dialed her phone number. She waited and listened as the other line rang, one, two, three... As the other line rang, she waited and listened. She listened to Cate's ringtone - their favorite song, La Vie En Rose. She was so engrossed in the song that she forgot she was there to make a call, but all she got was a cold and an unflattering beep. Four more calls were made, but all went unanswered. Sandra had no idea what she was up to. Even though the kids were alone and sleeping, she was in her car, starting the engine.

"Mommy will be quick." She whispered to herself, looking at the dim-lighted window of the kids' room before she started driving away.

The car-drive was fast. She did not know if it was the adrenaline, but she arrived at Sarah's place in less than an hour. She entered the gated place as the guard recognized her, well, who would not? Smiling at the guard, she went inside. The lights of the party were flickering to death and it was silent. She walked past the pool where five party cups were floating, bandanas were on loungers and the pool was filled with party poopers. Sure, by the looks of it, the party was really a party.

Mindy, Anne, Awkwafina, Helena and Rihanna along with Holland were the ones who greeted her as she went inside the house. Food was there, but everyone looked spent.

"Thank goodness. You've arrived." Rihanna chimed, handing her a glass.

She greeted everyone back, looking around and wondering where Cate and Sarah were. The women were red-faced and among the group, it was Holland who clearly did not drink.

"Where is Cate?" She casually asked, not trying to sound as if she was prying.

"Down and dead."

"Puked her intestines out."

They laughed.

"Your best friend is in the room. Sarah accompanied her." Anne spoke, tapping her shoulder as she nudged closer to Sandra, "The great Cate Blanchett is drunk. Can you believe it?"

"Sandy, if only you've arrived here earlier, you could have seen her dancing like a college girl." Helena commented, laughing, probably re-visiting the event.

She smiled. A forced one. "Really? Oh my goodness. I need to see her right now and take photos so we could use it for blackmailing." A subtle laughter escaped her lips.

She wanted to see Cate. Cate was drunk and was appositely suffering from dizziness. She wanted to take care of her, bring her home, wash her, and put her to sleep.

"Upstairs. On the left. First room you'll see. That's the guestroom. She's there." Holland informed her.

She did not waste too much time so she sauntered her way up. The stairs felt like a walk to eternity. Each step was heavy and the sound of it was daunting. But hell, she wanted to see Cate. It took her only a few minutes to find the room. It was half-opened so she went inside.

And then she was shattered... bits by bits. Her tears instantly fell, as if it had been there and was just waiting for the perfect time to come out. She froze by the door, shocked. She wanted to scream, to shout like a mad woman, yet she could not react. Nodody knew who she was in  Cate's life. All they knew was she's a dear friend. She was not a masochist, but she chose to watch. Her feet felt as if it was glued on the floor, paralyzed for she could not move. But her eyes was moving, heart racing to its platinum volume watching the agonizing scene of Cate, lying on bed with Sarah on top, kissing her.

Sandra got up from the pool lounger, walked through the pavement and stopped - her world started spinning again, round and fast. She wanted to make it stop, to make the pain stop. She wiped the tears that spilled out from her eyes, she didn't know she was crying already. She looked down and started kicking stones, one by one, it flew to the other side, near the gate - unbroken and unhurt. She wished she was a stone, no feelings and not in any way could be hurt.

Love was indeed a trap. Cate, for her was the trapper, and she was the helpless victim once again.

***