Brown Eyes | Loubbie

Chapter Sixteen

"Stop walking and talk to me." Cate muttered as she closed the door behind her.

Sandra slowed her pace and turned around. She wasn't ready for hersrelf to lash out, but Cate was bothering the goddamn little peace in her. She was okay - she became okay - just by staying in the pool. She was there to think, to let herself breathe, to let herself forget the pain of betrayal and the exhaustion, but all of a sudden, Cate was there, annoying her to speak her sentiments when clearly, she didn't want to. Sandra left out an exasperated sigh before running her hands through her hair.

"Can we just sleep?" She hissed, "I do not want to talk. I am not available to talk! I am tired, okay? I am really tired." She replied, stressing each word for Cate to deeply grasp her sentiments.

"Why don't you like to talk?"

"Because Catherine, I do not want to!"

Cate shook her head in disbelief, "That's not a valid reason. Why won't you talk to me about what's bothering you? We are a team. Whatever is bothering you, should be bothering me. We are supposed to share through everything. Why won't you share your pain with me? Or whatever that is!"

"I'm tired. And I just want to sleep. So fuck off." Sandra countered back, removing her watch and placing it on the bedside table.

"Why were you crying?"

"I wasn't crying!"

"Yes, you did."

She bit her lip, unafraid for it might betray her. Yes, she saw the betrayal with her own eyes, but deep down inside her, she wasn't ready to face it. And she did not know when would she be ready for it. Sandra was terrified of the idea of Cate, slipping the betrayal from her own lips. Sandra shook her head before turning away, attempting to walk, but Cate was too quick to hold her hand, turning her around and stopping her from doing so.

"Honey, let's talk." Cate spoke, holding her hand and squeezing it lightly.

Her voice sounded so much like home for the lost Sandra - something that she'd wanted to stay in forever, but fate seemed to be so blurry about what's ahead. The thought of having to hate that voice - the one that calmed and soothed her down  - pained her.

"Don't touch me." The brunette withdrew her hand, and backed away.

It looked like she had been touched by someone she didn't know, and in that very moment, she slowly accepted the fact that Cate was no longer hers; she was a stranger.

"Do not touch me!" She spoke once more when she saw Cate approaching, attempting to hold her again. She tossed her hands up in the air, as if surrendering, "Just please! Don't ever touch me. I do not want to be touched by you or even near you! You hear me?"

"Why?"

Sandra sighed and turned away. She walked towards the bed, turned off the light before turning the lamp on leaving Cate standing on the foot of the bed, obviously waiting for her why to be answered. She just wanted to sleep, wanted to forget about what happened; she wanted a sense of escapism, but it was hard. Sandra sat on the bed when Cate turned the lights back on.

"You are not going to sleep unless we'll talk." The blonde hissed standing beside the lights ignition with her arms crossed.

The light gush of wind touched Sandra as it passed through the open window of their room, and along with that was the soft and the gentle touch of Cate on her hands. She jerked back on the bed as she realized that Cate was already beside her, holding her hands. Eyes looking down at her, weary and sad.

"Honey, please. I do not know what is your problem. Let's talk." Cate pleaded, leaning her forehead on the brunette's shoulder, "...Please..."

Sandra sniffled, trying to hold back her tears. Her heart softened as she felt hot tears on her shoulders. Cate was crying. She hated herself for going too soft on Cate. It's like she could not resist her no matter how much pain she's feeling because of her. Love was indeed a trap, a dark pit that could make you go wild, blind and stupid. She closed her eyes, trying to fathom every single thing.

"Mommy? Mama?"

Both were taken aback and Cate immediately wiped her tears when little Laila stood on their door, her teddy bear tucked on her arm. She looked so sleepy and eyes still half-closed, gradually fluttering to open.

"I heard you two... raising your voices." Laila walked into the room and Sandra backed down from the bed to welcome the child in her arms, "Mommy, are you fighting with mama?" She continued looking at Sandra before she looked at Cate who stood behind them.

"No, baby. It was just a little misunderstanding between adults. But your mama Catie and I are okay."

Laila pouted as she looked at Cate who knelt beside Sandra. Cate's eyes were red, a bit puffy and it was very obvious that she cried. Laila then extended her little hand and touched Cate's face.

"Then why are you crying, mama?" She asked, still holding Cate's cheek.

Cate looked at the brunette before giving her a sly smile. She then opened her arms and invited Laila to hug her. Sandra took her time to breathe the moment her child went to hug the blonde. It was a beautiful picture to behold, yet she knew it would not last.

"Baby, I got a speck of dust inside my eyes and it hurts so bad." Cate explained, tucking some loose hair behind Laila's right ear, "... It hurts so bad, but mama's okay..." She looked at Sandy, "I'm okay because of your mommy. She is my strength; she is my anchor and without her, I'd go blind."

Sandra's stomach swirled upon hearing Cate. Each syllable has been spoken with so much sentiments to the exent that it made her inside bleed. How could love be so bloody painful when it should be the other side around? Cate's eyes were fixed on her as she spoke those words and she felt so vulnerable, she felt seen - felt seen by someone she didn't know anymore.

"So you two are not fighting? You two are not mad at each other?"

Cate smiled at Laila and kissed her nose. "No, of course not. I love your mommy so much and I am not mad. I love her very much, little peach."

And with Cate's phrase, the tears that Sandra had been holding for so long fell. If she loved her so much, and if she was true to her words, then why did she kiss Sarah? But despite all that, Cate to Sandra still felt like home. And she knew Cate would always be.

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