Brown Eyes | Loubbie

Chapter Twenty Three

The dark skies were fluttering against the plane as they flew. It was eerily gloomy, but what's making it worst was the silence going on between the two. Sandra tried to reach out, to console the blonde, but there was no hope. So amidst Sandra's grieving heart, she had to sit silently beside the blonde. If they weren't in on a plane, she could handle the situation much better, but right now, there was no gleam. She wanted to snack out a cigarette, inhale it's smoke 'til it'll turn to ashes and dust, or perhaps, drink whatever booze to somehow forget, but none of the two could help.

Sandra sighed and stared at Cate who leaned her  head on the backrest of the seat, hands flatly placed on her lap, but she certaintly knew the blonde wasn't sleeping. The fast rising and falling of her chest was telling her otherwise. She slowly moved her hand. She wanted to feel her, because the moment they both checked out of the hotel, she hadn't felt her anymore. It was like her ghost substituted the blonde's body. It would be better if Cate were a true ghost, because the brunette was sure as shit that she could feel her. But now, with just an inch away from each other, almost skin-to-skin, she could not reach out to her. There was a big barricade standing between that one inch space, and no matter how hard Sandra tried to eradicate it, she couldn't.

She slowly reached out for Cate's hand. And alas, there was a touch. She was able to hold her and she never wanted to let go; she wanted to clasp their hands together or intertwined their fingers to silently tell her that everything was going to be alright, but in hopes of doing so, Cate let go - withdrewing her hand away from Sandra as if she had just touched a fire. It burnt Sandra down. It burnt her core, stinging her heart and she could feel her insides extracting, making it hard to breathe. Her tears slowly fell as her throat slowly formed lumps inside. She bit her lip, trying to stop herself from sobbing. She never said a word, never dared to, but she pulled back her hand. If Cate didn't want her just yet, she could wait. She's immuned at waiting. 

The three hour air ride was silent and as soon as they arrived at John F. Kennedy International Airport, they hopped inside the limo waiting for them outside. There were cameras everywhere, paparazzis hanging on each corner of the airport, but luckily, the guards were keen-observers and was able to block them until their limo rode off to the hospital. They arrived at the hospital in almost half an hour. The hospital was gloomy and so still. The clunking of Cate's heels as she ran towards Dash's room was the only noise bugging up in the air. Sandra never wanted to come. She didn't want to see the damage, but her mind told her to stay; she needed to stay for the blonde. She stopped walking as she saw Andrew, waiting outside of a room with his head down on the floor. She watched as Cate ran to him and they hugged. From where she was standing, she could see Cate crying on his chest and he was consoling her, whispering her words to which she was very sure she could tell those too. After few minutes of watching, she sighed as Cate went inside the room and there, she decided to continue walking and to apologize to Andrew for what happened.

"Hi, Andrew." She wanted to give him a smile as she sat beside him, but she couldn't, "...how are  you?"

Andrew leaned on his knees and smiled, "I'm fine."

And then they both paused. Perhaps, missing the words that were needed to be said. Or maybe, they didn't know what to say. It was fine before, but with what happened, Sandra didn't know if it was still fine - if everything was still going to be fine. Her eyes were already moist, not again. Tears were already dwelling back and she wanted to just choke, to never speak, because she knew that if she would talk, her tears would fall and she didn't want people to see her vulnerability. 

"Andrew, I am sorry." Her tears started to fall, clouding up her eyes as she bowed her head in shame, she could see Andrew through her peripheral vision staring back at her, "I am so sorry." And with that one last phrase, Sandra sobbed.

"You do not need to apologize, do you know that?" Andrew sighed, paused a little before he continued to speak, "I was okay with it. Our marriage fell out, not because of you. It had been long dead before you came back in the picture. I was so okay with it, but the kids - they do not know about it. It was Tuesday and I was about to go to the office when Roman shouted." Andrew bit his lip, trying to stop himself from crying because everytime he tried to rewind the happening, it broke his heart, "I ran and when I opened their room, Dashiell was unconscious. Our divorce paper was on his side and he was bathe with his own blood. There was a pool of blood. I thought he was dead, Sandy. I really thought I lost my son."

Sandra wiped her tears. She felt sorry for Andrew, for Cate and for the kids. When a marriage breaks, the most affected portion would be the kids and she felt sorry for it. Slowly, she reached out for Andrew's hand, clasped it with hers because she didn't know what to say, except that she wanted him to feel that everything would be fine.

"Don't lose her."

Sandra looked at him, "What?"

"Do not lose her like I did. I wasn't the best husband, I never was." He smiled, "She loves you and I know you do too. Just do not lose her, ever."

"We shouldn't be talking about that when your kid is in there, almost lifeless."

"I cannot risk Cate's happiness. I am glad that you have found each other again, after so many years. I cannot forbid her happiness just because our son isn't happy about it. We will all make this right and we will make them understand. Just do not lose her, because in a sea full of fishes, she's the only starfish and she's one in a million, Sandy."

"What about you?"

"I had her once, but I lost her and it was all because of me. I do not want to make her sad because she deserves the best."

Sandra bit her lip as she heaved a sigh, "You still love her, don't you?"

"I still do." Andrew turned to his side, "...but that doesn't matter. You have her now and I trust you with her."

***