Married to the Northerner

29.5

Nathaniel POV

I've had my fair share of women and it would be a lie to say I didn't enjoy my time with them, but when I'm with Avani the feeling is beyond pure enjoyment. When I'm with her the sense of joy and relief I feel is beyond a want and has become a need. Seeing her smile makes my day brighter than hers and seeing her tears makes my heart ache more than hers.

All my life I held pride in being an emotionless King who feared nothing, but when she came into my life I felt fear, along with other emotions countless times. At first, it was odd to have those feelings course through my body, but now I can't imagine living without it. I can't imagine living without her.

When I first laid my eyes on the short, timid caramel-skinned beauty, with long black hair that resembled the ocean waves and big doe eyes that trapped pools of honey, a feeling of happiness, possessiveness, and pride filled me.

Talking to her and listening about her past made my blood boil with rage at how her ill-minded stepfamily treated her. As she grew stronger and more comfortable around me as the days passed, those feelings only grew knowing that my wife was not only the most beautiful woman to live in this world but a smart, caring and brave one too.

When she fell in the ocean, I didn't give a second thought of anyone or anything else and jumped at the storming water to save her. She was the one drowning, yet it felt like I was the one struggling to live.

Her back pressing to my front as we rode the horse to the kingdom made me feel a desire so strong, I never knew it existed.

When my mother threw her in prison and Alina told me about it, beyond the anger I felt, was fear; fear that I would lose her. I never in my life felt fear for anyone, or more like never in my life felt anything so strong like I felt towards Avani to feel that extent of fear.

When she told me she loved me, my entire being froze. Love was a luxury I never had. Many envied me for my title and riches but little did they know I envied them for the love and freedom they can experience from their family, from their parents.

As royals, we had everything, except the freedom to chose whom we love. Growing up I saw the animosity between my parents and it was so out of control despite them living at different ends of the large castle, it lead them to forget I was present most of the time. Rather than a child, a person, I felt like just a mere thing made for the purpose of Nordjford having a King.

I knew a time would come where I would have to marry a maiden for political reasons and turned my heart into stone. Pain comes from being vulnerable, and giving someone your heart is the extreme end of it. To avoid the pain, I vowed to myself to not let anyone take my heart away. That is until she, my wife, my dear Avani came into my life.

When she said those three words I didn't, no couldn't say that I didn't love her back, even if my life depended on it. So I did the first thing that came to my mind; I kissed her. The kiss was so passionate and I felt my heart pounding in happiness and broke the kiss-off in fear. Fear that there is a real possibility that I will fall for her, that is if I haven't already.

When we stood in the royal hall in front of those guards and my mother, it took me a second to recall the words I uttered. It was too late and I froze when I saw the look of heartbreak on Avani's face. I couldn't hear her words, just felt the dread deep within me and my eyes followed the tear streaming down her face before she left.

It had been hours and she was nowhere to be found. Not knowing what had happened to her or the thought that she left me made me fall to my knees. I believed that I shed my last tear when I was ten, a mere boy and realized love doesn't exist after another outrageous fight between my mother and father. At this moment, the possibility of never seeing Avani again made my heart feel like someone and squeezed all the blood out of it.

I wasn't shocked to feel the wetness on my cheek and the tightening of my throat. I sat on the muddy ground as the rain mixed with my tears. I was a feared king with a large empire, yet I never felt so defeated. I would have gladly given it all to see her, explain to her, tell her that I love her.

I stilled at the sound of footsteps and relaxed my posture when I heard Killian's voice. All I heard was him saying Avani is safe and with Alina. I ran my hands through my unruly hair in relief and thanked the gods for keeping her close and safe. I thanked him and told him to leave as I sat on the ground in utter relief.

I returned to the castle and saw her figure sitting in front of the fireplace with a blanket wrapped around her body. She must have sensed my presence and turned around. Her eyes flashed in several emotions, surprise, then hurt, then confused, before ending it with the caring look she worse often.

I couldn't stop myself as I engulfed her body in mine, more in assurance for myself. I looked into her eyes ready to tell her the way I felt but stopped. I felt my walls going up and my senses come back.

I couldn't let myself be so vulnerable, especially if she knows the power she holds on me. Like a coward, I retreated back to my room to wallow at my idiocy and didn't hesitate to fill jugs of alcohol. After several swigs the self loath and pain I felt numb as I drifted off to sleep.

Every morning from that day I woke in doubt and fear that she ran away during the night to leave me, her horrid husband. Every night I fell asleep relieved that she was there that day, despite the fact we did not talk.

Seeing the way my mother intruded on her privacy once again and the burns on her hands, I knew I couldn't leave her alone at the castle again when I went to travel around the kingdom. I decided to invite her along, and it was the best choice I ever made.

The privacy we had away from the confinement of the castle and its duties made me realize the gem in front of my eyes. She was mine and I wanted her to know it, but before that, I needed to tell her everything.

Her small body laid beside me on the mattress and I looked into her eyes and said those words.

"I'm sorry"

Those two words said a lot, I was sorry for hurting her, sorry for being a coward, sorry for not loving her, or more correctly sorry for not confessing that I indeed love her and hurt us both immensely by doing so.

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As promised, Nathaniel's POV

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