blame it on me

five: my crazy ex

"Soo... Jisoo..."

Her voice was sweet and mellow as she kept calling my name repeatedly. She was close, very close, but I couldn't see her anywhere. Everything was black.

"Who are you?" I asked.

At this point I was feeling agitated. I couldn't understand why my heart was beating so frantically and thumping loudly in my chest, but it felt as if it would break my ribcage and explode. Something wasn't right but I couldn't tell what.

"Jisoo..."

I felt a hand stroking mine, gently grabbing it and giving it a soft squeeze that calmed my nerves.

"Please forgive me" she whispered so softly that I almost didn't catch it.

Suddenly, black turned to white and I was sitting in the driver's seat of an old car, listening to some cheesy old love song on the radio with the road ahead of me.

"S-Sunmi?" when I turned my head to the side, there she was sitting next to me, holding my hand in hers with our fingers entwined.

She was smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Watch out!" she suddenly screamed.

But I couldn't see anything, and the dark place was surrounding me once more.

"Sunmi!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I had to find her – I needed to find her!

"Help me, Soo..." her voice trailed off like a soft breeze and it cracked until it vanished completely.

And before I knew it, I was sitting up on my bed panting desperately and drenched in a cold sweat from head to toe. It was all a dream. No, scratch that, it was the worst fucking nightmare.

-

The first bell had already rang and I was in the washroom taking off those paint-stained coveralls as fast as I could and changing into the school's uniform. When I stepped into the hallway, I ran into baby loser who was coming out of the library and she had already seen me, so I didn't have any other choice but to walk with her. Perfect, just perfect.

Anyway, I was walking as usual with my serious face and my arms crossed over my chest because I felt more comfortable not having dudes gawking at my boobs like perverted animals. Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed baby loser's hesitation, like she wanted to say something, but she was too shy for it. I didn't really pay her much attention until I caught the pink blush on her cheeks, and she lowered her face, embarrassed. I figured this would mean some peace and quiet for me but oh, no, no, that was impossible. How delusional of me to even think I could get her to shut up for more than six seconds, and guess what? That's right, she cleared her throat and asked me a question I was honestly surprised she hadn't asked before.

"Excuse me" she mumbled in that nervous tone and weird accent that always made my skin crawl. "Your tattoos... are they real?"

Well, that wasn't what I was expecting.

"Not your cup of tea, church girl?"

I saw her slightly frown and touch the cross that was hanging from her neck.

"Tattoos are a form of art" she stated matter-of-factly. "They're just permanent art inked into your skin. I don't see anything wrong with that."

"Look at you so open minded" I sneered. "You tryna get one yourself or what?"

"Oh, no, no" she shook her head and her hands violently. "I don't think they would look good on me."

I laughed at that.