blame it on me

eleven: don't call her that

It was a hot sunny day and we were in the middle of Chaerin's boring ass botany class, and for the first time in God knows how long, I didn't fall asleep because there was something that kept my spirits high and my energy full: the fact that I had had the most peaceful and relaxing week ever since I told baby loser to stay away from me; and I could finally breathe with the comfort of knowing that I was away from disaster. And to be honest, I had no idea about what happened to her after I left her in the cafeteria that day, except for the words from a fuming Jennie who said Roseanne had been crying her eyes out in the restrooms. She had been avoiding me ever since.

Sucks to be her, I guess.

Anyway, I was in my desk silently cursing whoever invented botany and thought it was a good class to teach high-schoolers, when suddenly the door burst open and in walked Mr. Yang and the dean and I immediately tensed.

What now? I thought to myself, feeling the nerve-racking anticipation of another impending punishment for whatever reason; however, the reason never came for they weren't even looking in my direction, and that was enough for me to let out a sigh of relief at the realization that, for once, this wasn't about me and my conduct.

Sitting up straight, I inched a little closer in my seat, curious to find out what this was all about because they rarely ever visited the classrooms, especially both of them at the same time. It must've been something very important, I figured.

"We're very sorry for the interruption, Mrs. Kwon" the dean spoke up in his ever serene tone of voice while smiling at her. "We have an important announcement to make for our seniors this morning."

"It's not a problem" she smiled back at both men. "Please, go ahead."

And bowing out of respect, she stepped back to allow them the spotlight.

"Good morning, everyone" it was the vice-principal who spoke. "As you all may know, every year the institution organizes a trip for the graduating class to a touristic destination."

The class suddenly broke in a fit of excited whispers, whistles and even some cheers here and there. I could only roll my eyes at their annoying eagerness.

"Settle down, everyone!" the dean scolded them and waited until the noise gradually died down.

Mr. Yang's scowl deepened.

"As I was saying, this year we've decided to change things a little" that got everyone's attention. "We will be going to a museum instead."

What the fu-

Suddenly, all the students were complaining and booing loudly. I was the loudest one, though.

"Are you kidding me?!" slamming my hands on my desk, I stood up with anger. "We're graduating this year and this is the trip you're organizing? After years of paying for this overpriced place, this is what we get?"

"Jisoo!" Chaerin was both angry at me and in shock but I didn't care.

"Ms. Kim, I will kindly ask you to calm down and sit down immediately" the dean said.

However, Mr. Yang and I were in the middle of some pretty intense eye contact and I wouldn't budge. I didn't even care about the whispering of my classmates around me.

"Sooya, sit down" Hanbin tried pulling me by the hand, but I yanked free of his grip with force.

"No, this is bullshit!" I yelled.

"Ms. Kim!" the dean's face turned red and I realized that was the first time I had cursed in front of him.

That's when I knew I had fucked up, but I just couldn't stop myself from blurting out all my frustrations. I could feel all eyes on me – especially Chaerin's, who was burning holes in my skull, yet I could tell she was more worried than anything else. Looking down at my hands, I saw they were trembling and I gasped.