And he's red

°•Get your lazy ass off the bed Tomathy•°

Tommy's tired, between the Dream SMP and streaming he just doesn't feel too well.

Minecraft streaming AU.

TW:Swearing, Sleeping disorders, Anxiety, lack of motivation, degrading thoughts.

°•°•.•°•°

"You look like shit Tommy." Techno turned to see him, he had just finished enchanting his armor.

"Yeah, I don't know, I'm just tired." Techno scoffed, looking at him with his arms crossed.

"Tired? You literally just sat and ate gapples the whole day. Don't fuck with me Tommy." Tommy didn't say anything, he just laughed a little.

Later that day, when he had already left the Dream SMP and went to his main Server, the one where he was all alone, he immediately went to his room.

A bed, a desk and his computer, where he edited some of the videos that later when into CraftTube.

He saw a lot of papers in his desks, he recognized them as ideas for videos he had actually liked but was too tired to actually film anything.

Tired.

His mind immediately went to the thing Techno had said to him earlier that day. He glanced at his bed before jumping on it, not bothering to get under the covers.

He felt like shit, that was true, he hadn't been sleeping a lot lately. But he also slept a lot. It was confusing. Some days he would feel absolutely tired, only wanting to sleep to finally have a break from life, but his stupid mind just kept him awake. Other nights, he just didn't feel like sleeping at all, he was tired, but he didn't feel like he needed any kind of sleep, at the end of the day he would sleep for 12 hours straight and feel 5 times more tired than he was before sleeping.

This totally messed him up, he had been streaming a lot lately, his fans adored him, and he adored them, but it really was taking a toll on him.

Why was he so fucking tired?

He wanted to sleep right now, he just wanted to sleep like George had slept through fucking wars. He wanted to sleep until no one even remembered who he was, because then he wouldn't need to come out of bed at all.

Putting his hands on his head, he let out a growl, he wanted to break everything, he wanted to end it all, why was he feeling this way? Was it because of being a teenager and all of that shit? Was he overreacting again? He knew he would do that sometimes.

Yeah, that's probably it, he was just overreacting, it would go away with the years, he had every reason to be happy for, he had a lot of friends, he played on the Dream SMP, a well known server. He also had quite the fame, almost reaching 6M subscribers, he had everything a teenager like him could want.

Why would he be sad? Or tired?

...

Why?

Just...why?

He had a family, friends, he should be happy right? Why couldn't he just be happy?

He screamed.

He screamed until his throat burned to much to be beared. He screamed until every single mob that had spawned could hear him. He screamed until his voice was a lost cause because of how loud he was being. He screamed until he knew that when he stopped, he would be met with the silence that always terrified him.

His tears fell down more fast than he could even notice, body shaking uncontrollably. He gasped for air a few times, because of all the tears and sobs he forgot so breathe, god, he was such an idiot, right? He could lose his head if it weren't stuck into his neck.

Why did it have to be like this? How had it become like this? When had the happy blonde child become more an act than his true self?

He wanted someone to help him, but he felt as if everyone would just turn him down, it was just a phase after all, he would grow out of it.

Grow...

It scared him, the thought of growing up.

He didn't exactly know why, but the thought of an adult him made him feel like he was about throw up. What would he do as an adult? He wouldn't be able to do risky things when he was older, so his fame would eventually burn out, everyone would forget him.

What would he do then? What would he do when he was older?

He didn't know, why didn't he know? Everyone had a dream since the beginning, right? He should have something he wanted to do, right? An adventurer? Singer? Actor? What would he do? What should he do?

Did he still want to be alive long enough to be an adult?

...

He didn't want to think about that.

He really didn't.

So what if he wanted people to notice he wasn't "fine" at all? Was it that bad to want to have people looking at him? Giving him attention?

Maybe he shouldn't leave those clues to his friends, maybe the "I'm feeling fine"'s should sound more convincing next time, maybe he should act as if he was fine and everyone would believe it so hard, that he would believe it himself.

Maybe he should, but it was so hard, he wanted help but was too much of a pussy to actually do it, so he just acted like that, acted as the loud and annoying persona everyone knew him for.

He saw himself with a mask, sometimes. Just like Dream's mask. A mask that he wanted to get off, but couldn't. What if they thought he was ugly? What if they thought he had lied to them all this time?

He was afraid, he was afraid of taking off the mask, but he was also scared of keeping it on. Would he still have the mask as an adult? What would that make him? Where would that bring him? Was he ever going to be happy?

...

He wished he could.

It sounded nice, being happy, relaxing.

Maybe he was selfish after all, he knew Tubbo was just playing along to his character when he said that, but he felt as if he was actually selfish.

Was it really selfish though? To want to be with your friends forever? Not having to do anything? Not having anything to take care of?

Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.

But who knows, maybe, just maybe...

It was all a huge excuse for being lazy?

°•°•.•°•°

Sup.

Yeah this was...wow, I wrote this in like, 20 minutes (still no spell check, I'm gonna do it right now).

So, this was, uh, powerful, right?

That's the way you cant add streaming to minecraft btw, it's like a Minecraft AU but just do it so the streams are like a floating panel(?) following the streamer's every move (that would be the stream, with chat and shit).

Did I kinda projected on a fictional character? Yes I fuckinglly did. Case closed.

Sorry if I hit kinda close to home for anyone, remember to drink a lot of water and eat healthy-

So yeah, that's it, hope you enjoy-

Bye bye~

(Btw, the title is something someone said to Tommy, want part 2 to fin out ;)?)

(It's 2:30AM, incapacity to sleep go brrr-)