Out Of Control

Kinda Cute But Also Sad.

I woke up to the doorbell, the harsh ringing echoing around the house. Sweet Pea, who had been laying on her back, jumped off my head and headed out my bedroom door. I shrugged the duvet off myself and sat up groggily, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked around blearily. I noticed a small plastic tub on my bedside table, I picked it up, noticing a small piece of paper. Xo Gee was written on the paper in scrawled black ink. I opened the pot and immediately the sweet scent of chocolate chip cookies wafted towards my nose, making me relax. "Oh I fucking love you, Gerard." I said aloud, grateful for the sustenance.

The doorbell began ringing once again, knocking me out of my half-dazed daydream. I trudged down the stairs, still clad in my pyjamas from days ago. I reached the door and opened it slowly. My aunt stood on the doorstep. For someone so closely related to my mother they turned out extremely differently, though, to be fair, my mother was hardly to blame. I noticed things on my aunt that were similar to my mother, her soft brown hair, the slight wrinkles that sprouted like tree branches from the corners of her eyes.

My aunt had visited us alot after my father had died and I had grown extremely close to her.

"Hi, Marie." I sighed, grateful to see her.

"Hello, Darling." She greeted, as she placed her bags on the floor before pulling me into a bone crushing hug, "I'm so sorry about your mother." She sighed, sorrowfully.

We separated from the hug. I offered to carry her bags but she shushed me saying how it was unnecessary. I led her into the living room. "Do you want coffee, or..." I trailed off.

"Nonsense, I'm perfectly capable of making myself coffee." Marie responded as she hurried off to the kitchen. I ambled behind her and slumped down at the kitchen table, picking at the wood grain.

The noises of the kitchen muted around me as I retreated back inside my own head, the stern voice of the police officer drifted through my thoughts, chills ran up and down my spine as I remembered the world spinning around me. I snapped out of my trance when Marie sat down at the table, nursing a steaming mug of coffee.

"Where's the- uhm, the lizard?" I asked, trying to jog my memory of the reptile my aunt was so fond of.

"Oh you mean Harold?" She said and I nodded, "he's at a friends house, I wasn't sure how comfortable you'd be with live insects in your house."

"Oh no, that's fine. You can bring him over." I said, remembering the bearded dragon that had kept my aunt company for the past seven years, my aunt nodded at that and returned to nursing her coffee. I fell quiet again, replaying the past couple days events in my head.

"Are you okay dear?" Marie asked once again, noticing the glazed over look to my eyes.

I shrugged, "I'll be okay." I said solemnly.

"I know how hard it is dear, especially becuase of your father. It's okay if you're struggling, you don't have to just get over it." She reassured me as she got up to wash her now empty cup.

"Thank you, Marie." I said honestly, a sad smile gracing and over my lips. I headed back up to my room, my still-bare feet scuffing the carpet.

I flopped down on my bed and buried my face in my pillow, I lay there for a good fifteen minutes, breathing deeply. After the pain from the previous days all I felt now was numbness. A pure aching fog flowed through my bones, it sweeped up my inhibitions, drowning them in a deep pool of incomprehensible emotion. My mind floated through a series of memories, both good and bad, all irrelevant at the moment.

A harsh ringing sounded out behind me, I chose to ignore and bury my face deeper into the pillow, willing the noise to stop. After a few moments I pulled my head up from where it was firmly planted in the cotton and dragged my phone from my nightstand.